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Thread: how to feel about people who aren't coming?

  1. #26
    Platinum Member mazgillies's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dawn Corleone View Post
    We are both only childs with small families. We are aiming for 70 there all day and night but id be happy with 60, to be honest I think through all the planning we all of us sometimes wish it was just us a H2B dont we?? lol xx
    YES!! Although I am looking forward to our wedding party, I actually don't give a monkeys now. I'm so looking forward to our wedding day with just the 2 of us, our parents, best man and wife, and bridesmaid and husband. The 8 people we are closest to. Perfect! xx

  2. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by tootsi4 View Post
    I'm worried about people not coming too. Our numbers are quite close to the minimum so we can't really afford to have people drop out.
    This is what's worrying me too. To be honest if people don't want to come it's their loss ;-) but as we're travelling up from England where most of our "B" list are, it's going to be awkward trying to boost the numbers at short notice. We also have quite a lot of young children (hopefully!) attending and they don't count towards our minimum numbers.

  3. #28
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Now had another aunt and uncle on his side have said they aren't coming, well told MIL2B as such, which means out of the 12 family members he has, only 2 will be there. I actually think its a complete disgrace they can call themselves relatives now.

    Well and truly miffed
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  4. #29
    Senior Member Scribblemouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mackinnon.ka View Post
    Now had another aunt and uncle on his side have said they aren't coming, well told MIL2B as such, which means out of the 12 family members he has, only 2 will be there. I actually think its a complete disgrace they can call themselves relatives now.

    Well and truly miffed
    That's just ridiculous O_o Hasn't MIL2B been round beating people up? I know mine would be!

  5. #30
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scribblemouse View Post
    That's just ridiculous O_o Hasn't MIL2B been round beating people up? I know mine would be!
    No such luck, she is a "try to keep everyone happy and not confront anyone" person, she just comments like "oh I thought they would make the effort" and part of me feels like saying "stop being a drip and tell them its your only son's wedding, they went to your daughters last year and the least they can do it turn up seeing as the family is so small and the next people likely to get married are currently 12 years old!"

    But I shall bite my tongue because it's not her faulty, but definitely dont want anything to do with that lot now, I think we can definitely say he is marrying INTO my family and its not a joining of the two!
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  6. #31
    Senior Member Scribblemouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mackinnon.ka View Post
    No such luck, she is a "try to keep everyone happy and not confront anyone" person, she just comments like "oh I thought they would make the effort" and part of me feels like saying "stop being a drip and tell them its your only son's wedding, they went to your daughters last year and the least they can do it turn up seeing as the family is so small and the next people likely to get married are currently 12 years old!"

    But I shall bite my tongue because it's not her faulty, but definitely dont want anything to do with that lot now, I think we can definitely say he is marrying INTO my family and its not a joining of the two!
    That is just weird, especially showing up to one child's wedding and not the other! Not to mention rude! Just tell him he can borrow your extended family anytime

    We're being steered towards inviting vague family members, and I quote, "because they'll give you really good presents!" I suppose it's win-win if they show up, since we're not paying for extras (we have 50 day places already paid for with competition win, and we've bagsied 55 muahaha).

  7. #32
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    They are playing the whole "its too far for us" card - oh and my other 40 odd guests can manage it, what makes them an exception to be able to travel? I dont buy the "can't afford" it card either because they've had a year to plan for it and clearly had no intention of coming otherwise they would have sorted their situation.

    At least I can look at it as saving 80-100 per head, ooh thats a nice 800-1000 saving!

    Even if they changed their minds now I think I'll tell them where to go tbh, sod the lot of them for being so narrow minded!

    (pah rant finished, well for tonight anyway )
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  8. #33
    Senior Member Scribblemouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mackinnon.ka View Post
    They are playing the whole "its too far for us" card - oh and my other 40 odd guests can manage it, what makes them an exception to be able to travel? I dont buy the "can't afford" it card either because they've had a year to plan for it and clearly had no intention of coming otherwise they would have sorted their situation.

    At least I can look at it as saving 80-100 per head, ooh thats a nice 800-1000 saving!

    Even if they changed their minds now I think I'll tell them where to go tbh, sod the lot of them for being so narrow minded!

    (pah rant finished, well for tonight anyway )
    I think a year's notice for a wedding is enough to be able to afford to go pretty much anywhere, generally speaking (obviously there will be people who are quite hard done by, but you know what I mean).

    You'd think they'd at least check the prices first, rather than pulling a number out of their arse and using it as an excuse >_< I'd tell them where to go to! You go mackinnon.ka!

  9. #34
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    I'm so wound up I can't sleep H2B is snoring away next to me, I wonder if he is even bothered by his family actions, I think he is bit just doesn't want to say, I just feel so upset for him it's like a clear rejection of him but no real reason, the only thing they could fault him on is lack of communication and that's a two way thing which means both sides are to blame.

    I guess it's true you definitely cant pick your relatives!
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  10. #35
    Super Senior Member MrsHowie2B's Avatar
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    I'm a whole table down now, buncha bastarts! I've had to rejig the table plan but luckily it doesn't impact on min numbers or anything.
    It's 75 a head saving so h2b is rubbing his hands together...lol x
    ~ x July 3 2011 x ~

  11. #36
    Senior Member Miss K Nomore's Avatar
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    Girls, Im a bit worried now. Im also in Essex but we are both from Scotland. All our friends are up for the Scottish thing but I cant get a date out of my bridesmaid to come down to either look at things or give me a hand. My mum died when I was young and my sister lives in France. My bridesmaid thinks that London is sooo far away to come down. I want to scream its a 45min flight and no one bats an eyelid when I do the 8 hour drive. I am really hoping that the kilted Essex friends make the journey.

  12. #37
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss K Nomore View Post
    Girls, Im a bit worried now. Im also in Essex but we are both from Scotland. All our friends are up for the Scottish thing but I cant get a date out of my bridesmaid to come down to either look at things or give me a hand. My mum died when I was young and my sister lives in France. My bridesmaid thinks that London is sooo far away to come down. I want to scream its a 45min flight and no one bats an eyelid when I do the 8 hour drive. I am really hoping that the kilted Essex friends make the journey.
    There was me thinking it was just daft english people thinking Scotland was another planet lol Where about in Essex are you?

    I think people just assume its a long journey and costs a lot, where as if people just looked into it in advance they would ge some bargain deals, I dont think I've ever spent more than 80 on flights return to get up and back, and did a week driving up around and back on 3 tanks of petrol which isn't too bad either.

    I'll most definitely be remembering who bothered and who didnt for furture "occasions" and already have my excuses, "oh, sorry is it important to you? I'd rather go to the bahamas" hahaaa
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  13. #38
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    Put it down to people are just weird! Sometimes England is also like timbuktu to people from Scotland. I have a friend, who I was best friends with when I came to live down here 13 years ago for work. She has only ever once bothered to come and visit me, and I paid for the flight! We do still keep in touch and I try to meet up with her when I go to Glasgow, but for some reason she was expecting a 'day invite' rather than the evening one. Well, why should I when you've never bothered to come visit me?

    Is it maybe because it's a monday and people can't get 2 days off work? I'm not saying its acceptable, and at the very least I think when its family they should do the courtesy of at least coming up with an excuse. My family would probably call to explain (I would hope)

    I'm now stressing about mine now, so I can only imagine how you're feeling. I hope you're doing ok and not letting it bother you too much. Have you talked to H2B about how he feels about it?

  14. #39
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by comingupfromengland View Post
    Put it down to people are just weird! Sometimes England is also like timbuktu to people from Scotland. I have a friend, who I was best friends with when I came to live down here 13 years ago for work. She has only ever once bothered to come and visit me, and I paid for the flight! We do still keep in touch and I try to meet up with her when I go to Glasgow, but for some reason she was expecting a 'day invite' rather than the evening one. Well, why should I when you've never bothered to come visit me?

    Is it maybe because it's a monday and people can't get 2 days off work? I'm not saying its acceptable, and at the very least I think when its family they should do the courtesy of at least coming up with an excuse. My family would probably call to explain (I would hope)

    I'm now stressing about mine now, so I can only imagine how you're feeling. I hope you're doing ok and not letting it bother you too much. Have you talked to H2B about how he feels about it?
    Thats the thing that annoys me most I think, they havent have the courtesy to call us (can easily get our details from someone if they dont have them) and explain, I only know because I have outright asked MIL2B - would have thought she would offer the information if she knew because only some people have sent 'regret' rsvp cards and even they dont have a reason in them. Maybe the dont have a reason, they just dont want to.

    They have known it was a monday for a year, and could easily have planned to take the holiday then, plus its in school holidays so no reason why families couldnt make it. Also know that the family that didnt come were in Rome last week and the other aunt and uncle are going away next week - so have clearly prioritised their own holidays, which everyone is entitled to but without being rude, we will only have one wedding, they can go on holiday whenever they bloody like!

    I think H2B is just trying not to care, and I have now taken the "f*ck them" attitude, I dont have the time for them now.
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  15. #40
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsHowie2B View Post
    I'm a whole table down now, buncha bastarts! I've had to rejig the table plan but luckily it doesn't impact on min numbers or anything.
    It's 75 a head saving so h2b is rubbing his hands together...lol x
    Good saving!

    I'm not doing a table plan until I hear back from everyone that is invited, can't be doing with having to re-jig it!
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  16. #41
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    We are also in England and I am a little concerned about how many people will do the trip up as it will be about a 5hr drive. We have not sent save the date cards but spoke directly to the people we are planning on inviting and so far they are all really up for it, they know we are not having a big wedding though so I hope realise we really want them there. The guys also seem to be loving the fact they can wear kilts! We are currently looking at arranging a minibus for the people from Manchester as hopefully that will help towards the costs of the trip.

    We do not have family travelling but if we did I would expect them to be there without question, it is so rude not to and the travel/day of the week is such a bad excuse as it cannot have come as a surprise to them so they should have planned for it. Although, if they have not even had the decency to contact you it sounds like you will not be missing much by not having them there! xx

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    So far I've had one person say that 5 months isn't enough time to negotiate a weekend off (although if I ask what shift he is working in three weeks - they aren't out yet - go figure). I was annoyed at first then I thought - if you can't be a**ed arranging it then you don't really want to come - so fine, you'll miss out and it means two less meals to pay for. I'm sure my other guests and family will make up for it.

    I know it is so annoying when people make up pathetic excuses - why not just be honest?! But such is life, some folk are just like that. I don't think they are deliberately trying to upset us - they just don't think full stop!

    I know I'd maybe feel different if it was close family, who should be relied upon for support so I really feel for anyone who is having those issues - but I hope you can get into a frame of mind where it doesn't ruin your day.

  18. #43
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    You're right, this is entirely their loss. Don't let yourselves feel hurt or slighted by them. They aren't worth it as they are losers. You're doing nothing wrong in pleasing yourselves, they should be completely honoured to get an invite and frankly his side of the family are being absolutely outrageous. They are missing out on a fabulous day and saving you money in the process. f**k them. (Can I say that on here?)

    People like that, even if they came, would just be a drain. I bet they are all like anti-banter, soaking up the fun in the room. No loss - more time for you to spend with the people you really do care about. I'm glad your H2B seems unaffected though. I am sure it isn't even personal, just to do with the distance they would have to travel and them being tight/ lazy.

    We had four call offs in the week before and two people just didn't bother turning up for our wedding. One of them was my cousin no less, he got a better offer, and the other was the bidey-in of husband's friend who probably sussed she wasn't welcome anyway (long story but let's just say it involved my friend being left holding the baby, literally, because of her and husband's friend), but no phone call or anything from either of them. 140 wasted.

    >:-(

    Sorry for the rant, it just really gets my goat when people don't know how honoured they are to have family that care in the first place (so many people don't) and to be invited to the most special day of a person's life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Bridezilla View Post
    it just really gets my goat when people don't know how honoured they are to have family that care in the first place (so many people don't) and to be invited to the most special day of a person's life.
    Summed up perfectly.

  20. #45
    Super Senior Member MissL2MrsH's Avatar
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    I totally agree Mrs Bridezilla!

    H2B and I always make every effort to go to a wedding if we are invited- I don't think we have missed one yet!
    We have travelled across Scotland and England, even Istanbul! Sometimes it has cost us a fortune but we wouldn't have missed those peoples special day for anything!
    I think you have to have a dam good reason for not being able to go someones wedding- and to not turn up and not even let people know is disgusting!

    I may be having the same problems myself in a few months- I hope not but it seems like it's a regular thing for people arranging a wedding to be let down in some way!

    I guess the important people who really mean something to you will show that by coming and supporting you, those that don't and haven't got a good reason didn't deserve an invite in the first place!

    xx

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    To put another take on it I have been to 6 weddings this year that are mid-week. That's over a week's worth of holidays I've had to take in the same year I'm getting married. I am now down to one half day left until April!!. Think brides, me included, are a bit guilty of not realising that our weddings aren't as big a deal to other people. Your guests might have real money worries and be too embarrassed to say or something x

  22. #47
    Super Senior Member kimbo's Avatar
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    Im the same I always try my best to go ,im from Glasgow but been to weddings in Bournemouth, Northern Ireland and Lake Garda. Cost me a fortune, but was so delighted to be invited it didnt even cross my mind not to go!
    Last edited by kimbo; 03-06-2011 at 04:28 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquamarine View Post
    To put another take on it I have been to 6 weddings this year that are mid-week. That's over a week's worth of holidays I've had to take in the same year I'm getting married. I am now down to one half day left until April!!. Think brides, me included, are a bit guilty of not realising that our weddings aren't as big a deal to other people. Your guests might have real money worries and be too embarrassed to say or something x
    Fair point - but we're talking here about the ones who just don't have the excuse or reason and don't bother their arse to turn up, r contact you. When you know someone, you know whether they are at it or not. Yeah folks can't always do what they'd want to - but there are times when that isn't the case. Especially close family.

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    Midweek wedding are a bit different, especially if they are further away, but it's not out of order to expect family to take off time to come to your wedding even if it leaves them short of holidays. Money, always a different story, but you only need to read all our tales of woe about people saying they 'can't afford' to go to stuff but they are out boozing it up every weekend, going on holidays themselves. Their choice, absolutely, but I think us brides are entitled to take the hump if someone can't make your wedding 500 miles away but they are (for example) off on two foreign holidays that year. I've been to Mexico and Cyprus for weddings in the past year. I enjoyed these weddings, and it was completely my choice to go, but THAT'S how important weddings are (to me anyway) - you make the bl00dy effort where you possibly can. And you send a card plus a gift if you can't make it.

    Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant! xx

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    Just difference of opinion. After this year my days of attending multi[ple mid-week weddings are over. My holidays are too important I'm afraid.

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