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Thread: Scottish Marriage Care

  1. #1
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    Default Scottish Marriage Care

    Just wondering if anyone else has had a meeting with Scottish Marriage Care? Our celebrant has set us up a meeting with them-"We do it with everyone, it's just to explore your relationship a little and talk about how you would deal with problems as a couple if/when they arise" which didn't sound like a big deal. We've got our first meeting tomorrow and I'm really nervous- just found out we have to fill in separate forms about each other/our relationship, these get fed into a computer and from that they identify areas of potential conflict. We then meet up again to discuss these issues with a complete stranger (not our celebrant) and with only 16 days til the wedding!!! H2B is not stressed at all (nothing new!) but I'm a little freaked out! Has anyone else been through this? Is it as bad as I'm imagining??! Any thoughts/previous experiences much appreciated!

    xXx

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    HIya, we had our first meeting with them last night - nothing to worry about. You answer hundreds (about 130ish) of questions either agree, disagree or uncertain about each other and your relationship. Only takes about half hr , though I think the feedback session will be a bit longer. Some of the questions are quite funny like 'do you worry about how much time your partner spends in front of the tv' - YES!!! (espec when football is concerned). Was a shame tho as we were the only couple who turned up. ps it costs 50!!!! ouch

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    oh really! We are getting married and using a humanist celebrant and I havent heard of it. To be honest I wouldnt do it anyway, it sounds a bit strange that they feed your information into a computer to analyse areas of conflict. I know my h2b very well and I know exactly where our areas of conflict are, dont need a program to tell me that! I think I would probably be quite laidback about it and wouldnt take it very seriously to be honest but thats just me!

    You will need to let me know how you get on but I wouldnt worry about it. On the other hand they may tell you something about yourself and your h2b that you werent aware of before!

    Sorry if I havent helped, im just always cautious of these things.

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    Super Senior Platinum Member missm2mrsf's Avatar
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    i dont fancy this, is it the humanist society make you do it becasue if it is i would reconsider? xxx

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    We are getting married in the Catholic church and it is a requirement from our Bishop to attend these sessions. I don't know if there is any comeback if you don't attend???

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    Thanks Pollymac- although 130 questions seems a lot at least they're not as serious as I thought they might be.

    Don't worry missm2mrsf, it's through the Catholic church. Please don't be put off having a humanist ceremony- one of the loveliest and most personal ceremonies I've been to was a humanist one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by pollymac View Post
    We are getting married in the Catholic church and it is a requirement from our Bishop to attend these sessions. I don't know if there is any comeback if you don't attend???
    Yeh, I wondered about that too, especially when we were told it costs 50 lol!

  8. #8
    Super Senior Platinum Member missm2mrsf's Avatar
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    my friends did something like this before their catholic wedding actually and she said it was fine! x

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    Super Senior Member Lynz's Avatar
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    We were told we had to attend the Archdiocese of Glasgow day course for marriage preparation which was 75!

    Thankfully we were able to attend the marriage classes provided by our church and there were no 180 questionnaires and public ridicule for us x
    2nd September 2011

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    Honestly, you will have a good laugh between yourselves at some of the questions. There were another couple of crackers like 'have you had any interference from others with the wedding preparations' - em yeah!! mothers, mothers in law, sisters, brothers, aunties, grannies - you name it!!!

  11. #11
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    im having a humanist ceremony and never heard of it, i dont think its part of having a humanist ceremony

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    I am having a humanist ceremony and never heard of it either. To me it sounds liike a way of making money rather than helping couples x

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    I'm not having a humanist ceremony, but me and H2B had couples counselling earlier this year, as a couple of our friends did it too before they got married and really recommended it. I have to say, its the best thing we ever did! our relationship is much stronger as a result, and we understand each other more and can, so far, sort out any differences of opinion we have more constructively than we did before. Thats not to say we don't argue, but when we do, we know how to sort it out quicker. We talked about attitudes to money, that sort of thing, and we've been much more open, and we've both been much better in trying not to do things that might have annoyed each other because we know that it does! I found that having someone there to help direct the conversation made it better, as you end up talking about things you wouldn't normally bring up. Not sure about doing that kind of thing in a group though.

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    Update!

    So we attended for our 200 questions last week, think it went ok. Lots of things about attitudes to money/family/religion/children etc and a few surprise ones about sex that made us giggle! (Really hoping that there are no areas of conflict there coz we'll be meeting up to discuss it all and although the lady that took us through it all was lovely, she must have been at least 60 and a devout Catholic!!) Had a good chuckle at the following question: "Your future spouse has habits which you find annoying- Agree, disagree, unsure." I put down agree (tis only natural, right?!) but H2B, bless him, put disagree! Have been trying to make it up ever since!

    Will let you know how our feedback session goes!

  15. #15
    Senior Member Anna-MW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lynz View Post
    We were told we had to attend the Archdiocese of Glasgow day course for marriage preparation which was 75!

    Thankfully we were able to attend the marriage classes provided by our church and there were no 180 questionnaires and public ridicule for us x
    Was it the West End Deanery course? We went to the hourly classes - four Fridays in a row - at Our Lady of Perpetual Succour.
    They were ok, just lots of couples sitting in the church listening to priests talk about different aspects of marriage. Rather cringe worthy when they talked about getting pregnant and knowing when was the best time to conceive (I won't elaborate!). Thankfully there wasn't any discussion and we all just listened! Also bizarre to get advice from a priest on marriage given most of them won't have been (unless they are widowed usually).
    Move over Kate Middleton, I had a sapphire first!

  16. #16
    Super Senior Member Lynz's Avatar
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    Ours was carrie dout by a couple who had been married in the church 40 years ago and they told us about how they got through tough times and show their appreciation.

    The also told us about trying to conceive - and basically don't use contraception but use your body to know when is best to either try or refrain!! lol.

    We were they same, no group discussion, but chances to discuss things with your partner.

    xx
    2nd September 2011

  17. #17
    Senior Member Anna-MW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lynz View Post
    Ours was carrie dout by a couple who had been married in the church 40 years ago and they told us about how they got through tough times and show their appreciation.

    The also told us about trying to conceive - and basically don't use contraception but use your body to know when is best to either try or refrain!! lol.

    We were they same, no group discussion, but chances to discuss things with your partner.

    xx
    That's what were were told about - except it was priests telling us. Cringe!
    Move over Kate Middleton, I had a sapphire first!

  18. #18
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    We've just finished ours with the scottish marriage care place and went back for the results on Thursday. To be honest the idea of going in the first place really didn't appeal to me, I thought that after being together for a long period of time we 'knew' each other and didn't need a bunch of questions to tell us otherwise.
    However, I found it really good, it brought up a few areas that we disagreed on and gave us an avenue to discuss this and look at ways that we would like to change small things for the future without ending up shouting at each other!

    Its nothing at all to worry about and you might actually get something out of it.

    xx

  19. #19
    Lorraine
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    I think we have to go to the 'Scottish Marriage care' place too, but not too sure, see below...
    I tried to grab a quick word with my parish priest after mass yesterday and was shocked about how unfriendly he seemed to be. We are getting married up north in my fathers family church and I have only been attending this church for about 6 months as my family church is back in Ireland so not exactly handy! lol.
    But he basically said - I don't know you is this your parish??!!! Now I know I'm not exactly the most active of members not a reader/choir member etc, but surely he should be welcoming a 'new' member. I just find it soo strange because back home i really felt a part of the community now it makes me want to change and go to a different church but I work weekends and this is the only one that does a mass I can realistically attend.
    Well this has turned into a bit of a rant hasn't it! lol Guess I'll just have to bit the bullet and make a proper appt to discuss it with him.

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