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Thread: BM and Caterers and stess... Oh my!

  1. #1
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    Default BM and Caterers and stess... Oh my!

    I sit just me or are all BM becoming less and less helpful these days?

    I have two junior bridesmaids who are friends of H2B's family. I agreed to have them on the understanding that their wicked stepmother didn't allow them treats very often and they were always being overshadowed by their younger sisters. Pack of lies that was. MIL2B said she'd pay for their outfits and said she wanted them hand made by one of her friend daughters. I eventually handed over control of the dresses to her when it became clear she was just out to make me look like an idiot about it (she sent me fabric samples and dress designs telling me they had be finalised but didn't tell the designer or the girls then expected me to do it when I thought it had been done). The girls now both have their dresses (I was told by BIL2B's fiance) but don't seem to bothered about meeting up to discuss hair and make-up.
    The last time I tried to go over hair and make-up with them they kept on telling me how it I should do it 'this way' or 'that way' instead. I'm thinking that the next time I do manage to see them I'll be telling them to do it my way and not to piss me off or they'll be demoted to ushers-in-posh-frocks.

    And then there's CBM. She's currently at college in America, her first year and she took a full 9-5 timetable of math classes plus a late night job. She says she's soo stressed out about all of that she doesn't want to talk about the wedding just now (Hello, it's in 55 days). She hasn't started looking at dresses or even confirmed if she'll be allowed to take the time off from studies (because this is not a girl to just skip class, she wants to do it officially). I know this is a hard time for her but surely she can spare some time to confirm wither or not she's even coming? Our other guests have until next Monday to confirm because that's when the caterers need the numbers and I'm honestly not sure if she'll even let me discuss the wedding with her before then.

    Speaking of caterers. H2B and I spent a while look at caterers and eventually went with a company we thought we'd work well with and who could provide what we wanted without charging us a small fortune. Up until Christmas our dealings with them were quite good but recently it's been another story. I emailed to ask them to confirm the predicted cost, a week later the sent me a 'revised cost sheet' that makes very little sense to me. H2B managed to decode it and we got everything there sorted out. I emailed again on Saturday to ask what time the meal would start and when we would be able to let guests into the hall. The response I got was this:

    Hi,

    If we say 4.30pm 5pm.

    Thanks ****.
    Umm... not helpful. So I've had to email back again asking for clarification. I understand that they are a small, family run company with a cafe to run as well as their catering business but is it too much to ask that their emails are actually informative? I think they mean in to the hall at 4.30 for a 5pm meal start but surely they could have added those few words to their email originally? Next I get to ask if we can get into the hall earlier as the only other place to put our guests between the ceremony and the meal is the other tiny hall which will have no seating in it.

    I know this all sounds really petty and bridezilla-ish but this wedding has been nothing short of a nightmare to plan so far and if it wasn't that we'd already sent out the invites I'd probably be talking H2B into eloping. I've been crying so much this past month that the salt from the tears has dried out the skin at the corners of my eyes giving me horrible deep wrinkles and I just wanted somewhere to rant.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member gigglebert's Avatar
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    It doesn't sound petty at all! I'd be furious in your situation and you definetely aren't being bridezilla-ish! far from it if you are still staying as calm as your post comes across!

    Do the caterers respond to phone calls? If so I would probably pick up the phone and get a full explanation of what they mean, and then put it in writing to them to have them confirm. I'd also be picking up the phone (or skype or email or whatever) and speaking to CB- informing her that I know she is busy, and that I don't want to speak about the wedding but that I NEEDED to know if she was coming as she is an integral part of the day.

    I don't know how you have managed to keep your cool with the two junior bridesmaids either... I really would have blown my lid long before now!...

    This isn't very helpful, but try to remember that you are the one in the right, you have been planning your wedding for a long time and you are entitled to decent responses from people who are meant to be helping to make your wedding the best day of you and your H2Bs life

    ~ m xx
    ~ m xx

    6th July 2012

  3. #3
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    Since posting this earlier I managed to track down CB and have a chat. She does want to be a part of it she's jsut worried that the college wont give her time off. I decided to email her student director and see if he could help us out.

    The caterers also replied (quickest reply I've ever had off them) and said that they had meant 4.30/5pm as a meal start time and would be happy to have the hall ready for whenever I needed it including setting out all table decorations and place cards if I gave them the seating plan.

    Then H2B succeeded in making me look like a complete idiot to his mother, again. I commented that I should have got him to ask about the girls shoes so would have to email. Got the email typed and sent and then, about a minute after I hit send, he told me that shoes were sorted and he'd forgot to tell me.

    To be honest gigglebert, I have no idea why I seem so calm about it today. I haven't slept a full night in months. I'm lucky if I get to sleep before 2am and tend to be up again at 6 with too much in my mind. I'm so stressed my period has been awol since June and I keep thinking theres some dreadfully important bit I've forgotten.

  4. #4
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    Hey

    You sound seriously stressed! You need to do something now as in 55 days it will be so much worse if it keeps going the way it does. Planning a wedding is stressful, but should be fun too, and it doesn't sound like it is fun at all just now for you Sending lots of hugs your way xxx

    Firstly you need help - your BMs should be helping but for various reasons sounds like they will be no help, so you need someone else. Make sure H2B is aware of how much pressure you are feeling, especially from his mother. If I were you I would ask him to tell her that you are beyond stressed and that you don't want her involved in anything else, as she adds too much stress. And if she tries to get involved, make sure he tells her to F off!

    Have you a good friend, someone who likes planning and is very organised - someone you trust? Enlist them! Explain that you are so stressed and would really appreciate their help. I have a wonderful friend like this who I should have asked to be a BM with hindsight - I was worried about her being upset or annoyed about being asked for help without being a BM, but in her words "it's great, I get to help with planning and choose my own dress!!". Anyone you know like this, get them involved. Sit down between you, H2B and new friends on board and make a full list of things to do, anything that you think of etc and divide it up - each person gets responsibility for certain things. If only you know the plans, you have to write them down and hand them over - you can't do it all yourself.

    Also, keep a notebook just for wedding things - everytime you think of something, eg the things that are keeping you awake, write it down. Then it's on the list and you can't forget about it again, and you can make sure someone is taking it on.

    That's the only things I can think of to do just now, but please do something, you sound like you are really not enjoying this and that's not fair!!

    If there is anything us girls on the forum can do, eg lists of things to do to help you make sure you have not forgotten anything, or planning/suggestions, just ask - I'm sure everyone would be more than happy to help.

    Good luck xxxx

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