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Thread: Need a wee rant

  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Oct 2015
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    Default Need a wee rant

    So, need a rant and some calm time before I throw the towel in and go a bit mad at my dad, will try to keep this short but may ramble so apologies but need to vent!

    My mum and dad split up when I was 17, they still got on ok until my dad re-married about 10 years ago now and havent spoken to each other since (dad refuses to speak to mum, mum would happily still be in touch with him) my older brother got married just before my dad re-married and he attended his wedding with my mum, danced with her, sat at top table, was generally the typical father of the groom, all well and good. Fast forward to now and me being his only daughter and he is acting more and more distant about my wedding. He had said in the past that he would be paying for my wedding but that seems to have been conveniently forgotten, not that thats a huge issue as me and my partner can afford the wedding ourself but one of many points that he's just distanced himself from.

    My main rant came this week, my fiance is planning a dinner/drinks evening with the bridal men so his dad, best man, ushers and my dad, all been invited and all accepted except my dad who says the way the weather is he doesnt want to travel (he lives in Inverness and we live in Edinburgh), the night out is in 3 weeks so not sure how the weather will have an impact then?! I've also asked him to come down several times to meet my fiances parents as I think thats important before the wedding as I don't want him to meet my fiances mum at the top table! but he is uhming and ahing about this and saying how its a long way and what difference does it make etc etc, I get he doesnt want to do these things but part of me thinks 'suck it up, this is your only daughter and her wedding day, make the effort'!

    I don't know what to expect, I know that if I call him out on this it will end up us falling out and him possibly not coming to the wedding as I don't want him there if he is going to half-heartedly be there, acting the father of the bride but not really having done anything in the run up to it or showing any effort at all. I also think he, his wife and her two daughters plan on leaving the wedding at the earliest opportunity and wouldnt be surprised if they book a taxi for 9/10pm and sneak off. If that is the case part of me would want to just know now and I can deal with it, ask my grandad to take on his roles and be done with it, I just don't want to pretend everything is fine in the run up to it and then on the day be disappointed and upset at his behavior

    bit of a rambling mess sorry just trying to get it all out before I blow up on the phone to him! Any advice greatly appreciated! xx

  2. #2
    Member kelLGN's Avatar
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    Apr 2015
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    Hi Mrserussell,

    How close is it until your wedding? You certainly don't need this stress.


    I had some dad stress - probably quite different from your situation, but my parents split over 20 years ago and my dad really done the minimum when it came to me. As I got older I realised this and it caused lots of arguments between us. But continually I always tried to make things right, went to visit etc but often something would get thrown back in my face.

    Well when we got engaged, we travelled through to see them to extend the hand and all that. I was asked by my step mum if they'd actually be invited to which I said yes. Save the dates went out and my dad found out my step dad would be walking me down the isle - my step dad is a wonderful man who has been my dad really for the past 12 years. I'd also like to point out at this stage, my biological dad never once asked me how we are getting on with the planning or took any interest at all! So, when he found out about the walking down the isle situation he took it upon himself to threaten me - he wouldn't be there if my step dad was walking me down the isle!

    Fine. I applaude you for trying to make him apart of your wedding but I have long given up. I decided that no one, even my dad, was going to dictate to me how my day should be done. To me he just wants the honour of walking down the isle, the dad onstage but to me he doesn't deserve it. Especially if he can't even ask how my planning is going. There are other issues but I am trying to keep this short as this is your rant.

    I think you should call him out on it, if he takes the hump then I think that gives you a good idea of his priorities. Like you said - you're his only daughter, suck it up. He shouldn't be giving you stress. I don't think he'd not show up but I think you have to speak to him and get your concerns off your chest. You don't want to be worrying on the day what he is up to or what his mood is going to be. Try first to do it diplomatically just to gage where he is. If that doesn't work be frank with him. This is you and your H2B's day. I find that people forget that.

    X

  3. #3
    Junior Member
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    Oct 2015
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    Thank you! everything you have written sounds so familiar to me with how he is!

    so I spoke to him and didn't go mad, calmly tried to gauge things out and basically have that its not his priority to come down before the wedding (which is in July) and I shouldnt get upset or try to make these things happen, these things being catch up with me and my brothers, meet my future husbands parents and generally show an interest in my wedding and life! ended it just saying we would speak again soon and at the moment he is still going to do all the father of the bride things on the day which the more I think about it annoys me as like you say he wants that honour and to be onstage as this great dad when hes really not, my granddad (my mums dad) is far more involved and more of a dad to me so it could realistically end up with him doing those roles, not wanting to make a rash decision but its getting close to that point!

    Definitely don't need this stress though but just going to try and move on from it, going to a boxing class tonight so that should clear the anger!

    thank you for your advice! xx

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