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Thread: Not sure whether to change my name...

  1. #51
    b2bclaire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs castle-bride View Post
    Ive never considered NOT changing my name, I cant wait to have the same name as him!

    There has been some people (his sister and my sisters) saying that I should just keep my name, that my name is nicer..... Well, I dont care what you think, Im changing it
    My opinion exactly, I can't wait to become Mrs Ryan and I haven't even considered not taking my h2b's name! I can't believe there are so many people not taking there h2b's name, I think I would be insulted if I were him.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by b2bclaire View Post
    My opinion exactly, I can't wait to become Mrs Ryan and I haven't even considered not taking my h2b's name! I can't believe there are so many people not taking there h2b's name, I think I would be insulted if I were him.
    Thankfully then my h2b is enough of a "man" not be insulted that I won't be taking his name, if he was offended by my choice I would have to question whether he was wanting to marry me for the right reasons. Guess I am just lucky to have a guy who accepts me for the individual I am and doesn't want me to make any decisions I am not comfortable with.

    Personally marriage to me is about more than changing your name and I don't think changing your name proves how much you love someone or how committed you are to them

  3. #53
    b2bclaire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Langside bride View Post
    Thankfully then my h2b is enough of a "man" not be insulted that I won't be taking his name, if he was offended by my choice I would have to question whether he was wanting to marry me for the right reasons. Guess I am just lucky to have a guy who accepts me for the individual I am and doesn't want me to make any decisions I am not comfortable with.

    Personally marriage to me is about more than changing your name and I don't think changing your name proves how much you love someone or how committed you are to them
    I wasn't meaning to offend anyone (hope I didn't) who isn't taking their h2b's name its a personal choice. Was just simply saying I can't understand who wouldn't want to (because I can't wait)....Of course marriage is about MUCH more than a name, but I think if you are going to be a family then you have a family name (your married name) its just my opinion.

  4. #54
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    so to play devils advocate, if its all about having the same name, would your H2B consider taking your name? and use that as the family name. I think today people are much more independant and personally I feel that my name is who I am, why should I change because tradition says I take the man's surname? I quite like the spanish way of doing things where when you are born you take both your fathers and mothers family names, thats why spanish people have 2 surnames. In Spain everyone is an individual and it means that family names never die out and are always passed on to children. I think thats why a lot of people double barrel now, which I would if I could, but our two names don't work together

  5. #55
    Super Senior Member tootsi4's Avatar
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    I'm taking my husbands name but will use my own name for work and stuff. Never really thought too deeply into it. I see taking his name as becoming our own little family. I know that we and our future kids will all have the same name and that is important to me.

    Although he does have a silly name so to save the kids years of bullying maybe they should actually have my name after all.

    I know a few women who were adamant they didn't want to take on their husbands name and then after a couple of months of marriage they actually changed their mind.

  6. #56
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    Why don't you become Dr/Mrs your name-his name then you Dr for work and Mrs for personal but the surname. i.e. Dr simth-jones Mrs smith-jones

    I love my other half's surname so happy to take it but I think when we have kids I'l add my maiden name as one of their middle names.

  7. #57
    Ros@SWD
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    Thumbs up Interesting comments!

    Hello everyone

    There are some really good points on this thread, so much so that I've decided to write a feature about whether to change your name or not for our next mag.

    So I just wanted to let you know that we may print a couple of the comments from this thread. And I also wanted to see whether anyone had any final thoughts to add on the matter?

    Personally speaking, I didn't change my name when I got married a few years ago (my other half often uses my name on the phone as it's loads easier to spell) but didn't really think much about if and when we have kids and what they might be called. Definitely feel I've done the right thing for me though.

    It still surprises me how traditional many women are about this point, but the one thing I feel really strongly about is that people should do what feels right and not get bullied into anything by family and friends.

    Any other comments? Or has anyone who was swithering now made their mind up?

    Ta

    Ros @ SWD

  8. #58
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ros@SWD View Post
    but the one thing I feel really strongly about is that people should do what feels right and not get bullied into anything by family and friends.
    Couldn't have said it better myself! Everyone has their own opinions and situations to take into account, at the end of the day you may as well please yourself because you can't please everyone.
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  9. #59
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    I have never wanted to lose my own name, but while H2B said he was cool with me keeping my name, I suspect he secretly wishes I wasn't, although of course the mere suggestion that he might like to change his name to mine filled him with horror.

    I intend keeping my name for a whole host of reasons, but it basically comes down to the fact that at the end of the day it is my name, who I am.

  10. #60
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    The one thing that made me giggle more than anything else I've discussed with my H2B, as today I think a lot of men can contradict themselves. When I suggested getting married in Scotland, he was unsure, even though its traditional that you get married where the woman's family come from. He didn't want to do anything just because it was tradition. Now, he thinks I should change my name because its traditional! Thats really because there is no other argument! If its to have both of us with the same surname, then lets take my surname. It has nothing to do with how much you love the person. It doesn't cause an argument, more of a debate in our house, but it does amuse me he feels its ok to choose which traditions he likes more

  11. #61
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    I got married for the first time when I was 23 and my surname changed from a difficult to pronounce Italian surname to a very easy English surname. I loved my new surname and for years now it has been who I am.

    I'm getting married for the second time next year and have suddenly realised that not only will I now have another unpronounceable surname when I get remarried, but I feel I will lose who I have been for years, even though my current surname only became mine through marriage.

    I suppose that I will grow into my new surname and it is a surname I will be very proud to have, but I also feel like a little part of me will be no more.

  12. #62
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by minuette View Post
    I suppose that I will grow into my new surname and it is a surname I will be very proud to have, but I also feel like a little part of me will be no more.
    That part of you might not be anymore, but you have a whole new part of you to discover with your new name and marriage
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  13. #63
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    An interesting topic!

    I got married two months ago and it was my intention to take my husband's name for everything personal and legal but keep my 'real' name for work. My thinking was that i'd get the best of both worlds - we'd be a conventional family unit at home but at work i'd retain my original identity.

    A few months on from the wedding and I have to admit that i've not changed a thing. Personally, letting my name go just feels very unnatural to me. It's like i'd be losing a significant chunk of my identity and all that's associated with it.

    I do not believe that the commitment I have made to my husband would be strengthened if I take his name, nor do I believe we are any less of a 'family unit' because I have opted to keep my own name.

    My semi-modern husband has been very honest in saying that he wouldn't give up his name therefore he wouldn't expect me to give up mine. However he would want/prefer any future children to take his surname. This I am relaxed about - I prefer his surname, but I wonder what i'd think if I didn't?

    Whilst obviously topical, I think this whole debate is actually a bit dated now. We live in a modern and inclusive society where we encourage people to do what suits them. This approach should be embraced.

  14. #64
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latestarter View Post

    I intend keeping my name for a whole host of reasons, but it basically comes down to the fact that at the end of the day it is my name, who I am.
    You and I are definitely on the same wavelength!
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

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    Quote Originally Posted by mackinnon.ka View Post
    That part of you might not be anymore, but you have a whole new part of you to discover with your new name and marriage
    Yes very true! It will be like reinventing myself!

  16. #66
    nearlymrsT
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    I can understand why some women want to keep their maiden names, either for professional or sentimental reasons. It's a major part of your identity and married life will take a lot of getting used to as it is without people calling you Mrs Suchandsuch and you forget they actually mean you!

    Personally I can't wait to take my husband's name, I will be leaving my maiden name behind me and starting my life as a wife

  17. #67
    Senior Member IrishKaz's Avatar
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    We got married 2 months ago and I had just assumed that I would go with tradition and take my husband's surname, however HE suggested he take my surname instead - long story, but his surname was his dad's name, who he hasn't seen since he was a child & doesn't have any contact with that side of the family, so felt no "tie" to the name, but he really liked my surname (as do I!), so decided that's what we'd go with. We told our immediate families before the wedding, then when my dad was doing his father of the bride speech, he announced to everyone that Chris was taking our surname - my wee dad was in tears, as he was so so proud that Chris was going against tradition and wanted to take on our family name. People didn't initially believe him and everyone laughed, thinking it was a joke, but then Chris confirmed it in his speech. People were surprised, as it's not the norm, but thought it was great!

    P.S. Despite the fact that we've been married for 2 months now, I still giggle to myself when I call him my 'husband'
    ***I'M A WIFE NOW ***

  18. #68
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    I'll be taking H2B's name but also keeping my own name as a middle name if you see what I mean! Our names won't suit being double barrelled but this way I still have my name. So I'll officially be Gayle Louise Blaikie Turner on any important documents but will just use Gayle Turner as my every-day name

  19. #69
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    IrishKaz - sounds like your hubby was in a similar situation to my H2B with his father's name (he has already changed it by deed poll to his mother's maiden name) and bless him the other day he 'asked my dad's permission' to take our family name

    Will need to make sure we get announced properly heheee
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

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    I went back to my maiden name after my divorce 20 years ago and my daughter kept her dads name.....this time I am not giving up my family name but simply adding his to it...mine being the later of the double barrel lol. H2B is happy with whatever I chose.
    Having a child with different surname is difficult for first few years but then ppl get so used to it...no longer an issue although she still wants to change her name to my family name which she is entitled to do since she is 22...her dad would still go mental as would I to be honest as his family are great with her so would be like a kick in the teeth to them....so far she has not done anything about it but I feel she will now bring it up again after the wedding....bless.
    I agree as I think it is a personal choice, I am just being stubborn as I have strong family ties and a famous surname lol so no chance I am getting rid of that!

  21. #71
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    I started this thread all those months ago- amazed at all the responses! Just to let you know what I decided on in the end. I decided I couldn't choose (everybody on here makes so many valid points!), so I'm not going to! I'm in the lucky position that I can keep my own name professionally and take h2bs name for everything else. If it becomes a hassle I still have the option of changing professionally as well at a later date. I also really like what my parents did with me, my middle name is my Mum's maiden name, which keeps it in the family, so if we end up having kids I think that would be an option.

    Thankyou as always ladies!

  22. #72
    Super Senior Member MrsLee's Avatar
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    Good for you!! Sounds like you've given it a lot of thought and are happy with your decision That's what it's all about at the end of the day! You've got it sussed!

    I am in the process of trying to change my name on everything just now and it is an absolute HASSLE!! Wish I had let H2B change his name to my maiden name now and give him all this work to do!! He did offer as my folks had been winding him up - he changed his name when he was younger to his dad's as they actually went through school using their Grandma's maiden name (no idea why!) but I decided that I wanted to have his surname even though 11 days in and I am missing my maiden name SOOOOOO much!!

    x

  23. #73
    Super Senior Member Michelle@SWD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsLee View Post
    I am in the process of trying to change my name on everything just now and it is an absolute HASSLE!!
    Well that's your name changed on the SWD forum now Mrs Lee!

    Michelle@SWD

  24. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsLee View Post
    I am in the process of trying to change my name on everything just now and it is an absolute HASSLE!! x
    I get you !!! honest it is such a pain.....what is annoying me about it is that NOWHERE and NO-ONE will accept a copy of your marriage certificate, you need to send the ORIGINAL to just about everyone.....costing a fortune to keep having to send things by recorded delivery just so i have a guarantee and claim against the post office if it goes astray
    1st October 2010...the best day of my life....I married my best friend

  25. #75
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    I am totally dreading the whole bureaucracy that comes with it. I'll have to go to my embassy and fill in like a million forms and probably pay through the nose for it but I defo want to take my mans name so I suppose I'll have to put up with it
    Anita & Grant 26th of May 2011

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