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Thread: Not sure whether to change my name...

  1. #26
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    Its so interesting to hear both sides of the story. I didnt think there would be so many women, well the only way to describe the tone when you read the messages as "nippy" about the idea of keeping your own name. It is all about personal choice. It sounds as if there are lots of very old fashion men out there who think it is "wrong" that a woman would consider keeping her own name. Its unfair that people still make you feel like that. For professional reasons, many people build up a reputation (good or bad) with a name and changing your name looses your those perks. Some people recognise a name and investigate. I got a job that way! Yeah to all the ladies keeping your names. Why should you lose a part of your history and personality. Your marriage is the stagement about your new life and a name should not change anything. But others see if differently but so glad that I am not the only one....plus no paperwork. woo hoo. x x x x

  2. #27
    Super Senior Member tootsi4's Avatar
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    If you want to take his name then take it and use your maiden for your work - all your certificates etc will be in your maiden name anyways. It's not really confusing.

    If you do private work and you are paid in your maiden name then it is easy enough to have a bank account in your married and maiden name.

  3. #28
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    I've been thinking about this too, I thought I was the only one! My H2B's family looked at me like I was mad. At the very least I will keep it for work, but I was wondering, if I do change my surname, given my signature is pretty much a scrawl.... do you think I can get away with still using the same one??? :-)

  4. #29
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    Hi
    I've had the same conversation with my H2B cause i am very attached and proud of my Scottish name and being the only girl in the family i dont want it to disappear - however my H2B does not see my pov, he thinks i just like to be different than everyone else. I'm thinking of double-barrelling it. Am waiting for the fun and games when his family find out...... one of the many 'issues' that comes up when planning a wedding.....

  5. #30
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    Just back our honeymoon and we were introduced at the Wedding as our orginal name, me with my old name and partner with his to the wedding breakfast. Of course there were lots of people assuming I was going to take his name on the cards even though I told people on facebook and that. But its so annoying cos his dad sent me an early birthday card yesterday with the wrong name on it! Was he even at the wedding. He is a very old fashioned and I am worried about telling him he got it wrong! But I stand by it. My name was given to me at birth and is part of who people know me to be and my personality. At least my man was fantastic about it! Rant over!
    Jenny

  6. #31
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    I have a sort of similar issue, I have always known I would keep my name (I like my scottish roots, though having been drug up every but scotland its my only connection) H2B has no problem with this...

    The issue I have is that he recently changed his name by deed poll to his mother's maiden name (his parents have split, fathers side of the family are all fruitcakes and he doesnt want to be associated with them). On this basis I wouldnt be taking his name anyway as its his mothers name, but if we both keep our names, how does that work for being a Mr & Mrs with different names?

    I'd hope that any kiddywinks would get mine name too as my name means more to me than his does to him. Should I ask him to take my name? Or is that weird?

  7. #32
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    my h2b offered to take my surname (altho if i said yes, i dunno if he'd stick to it lol) but im happy to take his name. i like the tradition of it and i like his surname (it'd be a different matter if it was a funny surname lol). my problem is my middle name is my mums maiden name, so i think it sounds funny put into my new married name. id be happy dropping it, but it means more to my mum that i keep it, coz she's an only child and there's noone left with her maiden name.

  8. #33
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    Hiya - what an interesting thread!

    What do you guys think of this?

    I was thinking recently that, instead of abandoning my last name completely, that it becomes like a middle name, so I'm still Mrs hisname but I've still got my own name in there somewhere.

    Haven't discussed this yet with H2B but think he'll be cool about it. The way I see it is that I'm changing my name anyway so I can just add a middle name in there at the same time.

    xx

  9. #34
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    jennyk

    I've just read back through the thread and I'm honestly not feeling the 'nippy' tone at all from the girls who're changing their names. If anything I think the 'keeping my own name' posts sound a bit more defensive...

    Anyway, I don't think there's any need to be defensive about either choice. I'm likely to change my name, despite the fact that I've built up a professional career under my existing name. The way I see it, the name I have at the moment is my dad's name (and much as I love him, I didn't choose him) - so it's not distinctively 'my name' anyway. To have a name that wasn't coming from a man, I'd have to make one up from scratch, which is just daft.

    The people who know me under my existing name wil get used to it - I doubt they'll struggle tbh!

  10. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by bridezilla to be View Post
    Hiya - what an interesting thread!

    What do you guys think of this?

    I was thinking recently that, instead of abandoning my last name completely, that it becomes like a middle name, so I'm still Mrs hisname but I've still got my own name in there somewhere.

    Haven't discussed this yet with H2B but think he'll be cool about it. The way I see it is that I'm changing my name anyway so I can just add a middle name in there at the same time.

    xx
    This is exactly what ive done. I wanted to keep my name - or double barral but H2B was not happy so after months (yes literally!) of "discussions" it's been agreed that i will have my maiden name as a middle name so although i'll be known as Mrs Foster - i will now have my name as Mrs Kelly D M Foster ( M being the maiden name)
    My parents divorced when i was young so always had a different name to my mum but i feel that my surname is my connection to my dad.
    I have changed this by Deed Poll with it starting on the 26th August ( next week!!!) on the day we get married.

  11. #36
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    It is interesting to see everyone's different opinions, and obviously there is no right and wrong about this sort of thing.

    I know plenty of people who can't wait to change their name because they dislike the one they have already, and others (like me) who can't bear to part with their given name.

    Coming up with clever solutions like double-barrelling and making maiden name middle names is a good way to sort the issue without causing offense.

    My sister chose to double barrel her name, much to the confusion/ dislike of a few relatives on our side! So the aggro she got has made me think twice about it, plus "Kimberly MacKinnon-Clegg" is quite a mouthful! hahaa think I will stick with being a plain ol' Mac

  12. #37
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    intersting topic! I think its a really personnal thing and know everyone has their own opinions. I got married last month and I feel as if I'm leading a double life! Lol I haven't offically changed passport, bank accounts etc but letters and cards have been coming addressed with my new married name or even taking phone calls for mrs m but I'm finding I'm still using my maiden name a lot too. I know its still early days and I'm sure ill get used to but I was thinking there are places and situations where ill always use my maiden. Such as the hair dressers, beauty appointments etc. It all feels a bit strange just now being a mrs!

  13. #38
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    I know this may seem old fashioned but I honestly can't wait to become Mrs Anderson.....it's not that I hate my own name, but to me it's all about joining up with the person I love and us being partners for life.....and I think I would get fed up explaining to people that I am married but why I decided not to take his name etc......it just seems like the natural and proper thing to do

    I know for professional reasons people have built up reputations and such like, but your reputation won't change just because you are married and have taken your husbands name......it will take a short while to get used to it but email etc can be configured to automatically recognise a name change. I know our work email does.....
    1st October 2010...the best day of my life....I married my best friend

  14. #39
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    Im going to be SS Seonaid Simpson and looking forward to having his name! only dilema is that we have three kids living at home, The 9yr old twins are hubby to be's and the eldest 10 year old has my name (Buchan) so he will be the odd one out and he cant decide whether to change or not, well he suggested that he could be Jack Buchan Simpson but when he said it fast it sounded so wrong like the f word!!

  15. #40
    Platinum Member Sassenach79's Avatar
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    LOL Mrs Simpson to be...you're cracking me up
    Anita & Grant 26th of May 2011

  16. #41
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    Winter Bride: maybe you didnt get the tone but I really felt it. So many people I know spoke to me like "no, what will your MARRIED name be?" like I was taking the piss! In fact it keeps happening as my new boss told everyone I had just got married but was keeping my name. Maybe its me getting nippy as I have this innate feeling that we are forced into it and that so many women just accept it. I guess from a young age I was just a rebel then! ha ha. I really didn't appriciate the number of friends asking what will you do when kids come? People ASSume far too much! haha. Good discussion tho! x

  17. #42
    Super Senior Platinum Member missm2mrsf's Avatar
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    I really look forward to taking my h2bs name, like the thought of when we have kids that we all have the same name. Do like the thought of possibly keeping my surname as a middle name though as i dont have a middle name! theres a thought! xx

  18. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Simpson to be View Post
    Im going to be SS Seonaid Simpson and looking forward to having his name! only dilema is that we have three kids living at home, The 9yr old twins are hubby to be's and the eldest 10 year old has my name (Buchan) so he will be the odd one out and he cant decide whether to change or not, well he suggested that he could be Jack Buchan Simpson but when he said it fast it sounded so wrong like the f word!!
    H2b and I just had a good giggle at that! xxx

  19. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrIainsMrs:) View Post
    Hi girls,

    was reading another thread in the honeymoon section about changing names on passports. Sort of hit me that I've not made the decision whether or not to change my name yet. I'm a hospital doctor, but I don't use Dr on any of my bank cards/passport etc and stick with "Miss" for personal stuff. Was thinking of taking my h2b's name and becoming "Mrs" on all my documentation (think it becomes easier for things like the mortgage too), but keeping my maiden name for professional purposes. A colleague at work has since told me that that isn't always the best thing as it gets confusing and there's potential for trouble if you start writing your married name in notes by mistake. Not sure what to do now, but there's a part of me that doesn't want to lose my family name altogether. Double-barrelling isn't an option either as I'm not a huge fan and doesn't work with our names.
    Is everybody else taking their new husbands name and anybody else had any issues with it? My h2b says hes happy with whatever I choose, but I reckon he'd secretely be a bit put out if I didn't take his name in some format...
    Hi, I'm getting married in May and in exactly the same situation. I think I'm going to keep my maiden name for work purposes and but still take H2B's name. Might get a bit confusing but I kinda like the way that it separates work and play! Also, I'll be sitting my Royal College exams before May and their website actually says that they will only take the name given on your medical degree certificate (the way round this is to contact your university and ask them to issue you with a new degree certificate once you're married. . . for a nice price!) Think the GMC may charge as well.

    I like the idea of having the same surname as any children we may have in the future (just a personal preference- no offence intended to families with different surnames) and would like to continue the tradition of giving a child their mother's maiden name as a middle name.

    Hope this helps. xXx

  20. #45
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    After this reading this thread through before, someone suggested taking your old surname as one of your middle names, and I think I'm going to do this. Through lots of personal cirumstances, neither my brother or sister will have children, so its up to me (no pressure) to continue some sort of family name. I wouldn't like to think that our name just dies out when I get married and I no longer have that surname. How depressing. So I'm going to keep it. I'll be Mrs J T S Keslake (mind you when I write it down it sounds like a bit of a mouthful!) Any children I hopefully have I've already asked H2B if they can take my old maiden name as their middle name and he's ok with that, its kind of a scottish tradition anway isn't it? I like it

  21. #46
    Super Senior Member mackinnon.ka's Avatar
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    Think my H2B is considering taking my name! We aren't remotely conventional, and I am 100% that I am keeping my name regardless of whether he changes his or not (otherwise my family name ends with me). Also means and kids we have will get mine so that the name carries through.

    I dont mind us being Mr X & Mrs Y but would be nicer if we were just both Mr & Mrs Y!
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  22. #47
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    I would love to keep my own name. but H2B looks v hurt and takes it as a personal insult when I said I might do that. Mil2B also looked at me like I was a bit mental! People take it very personally, but its not because I don't like his name, I just don't want my family name to die out. I do know when it comes to kids it can get complicated if you have different names, my friend used to have to take identification with her when she took her little girl places to prove she was her mum because they had different surnames!

  23. #48
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    My own mother looked at me like I was mental for not changing my name (My sister double barrelled hers which she also thought was odd) but I'm stubborn. It's my name and I'll keep it if thats what I want!

    I do think it can get complicated though, the whole different names, what do the kids get called etc. By the time that because an actual issue I am sure people will have gotten used to the idea that I kept my name, I hope!
    ~*01/08/2011 was the most magical day of my life *~

  24. #49
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    I'm not looking forward to this coming up with the in-laws-to-be. I've said from day one that we will be double-barrelling. I would like us to share a surname but I don't like either his surname alone with my forenames (just sounds very wrong and rather like a warning) or my surname alone with his forenames (sounds too much like my dad's full name).

    Other options would be to go for a historical family name (Gair, Grant, Wheat and Maccoby are among the options) but I think all of those would get his parents' backs up even more.

    I really don't have a problem with those who choose to take their husband's name, but it is an option rather than a compulsion and I don't actually think it's even that deeply traditional in Scotland. I'm sure I was told that women were often known by their maiden names if they lived in the area where they had grown up after marriage, and their husband was known as being "[insert wife's maiden name here]'s man".

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    I am the same as above, the only reason I want to get married is so in the future I will have the same as my children and ther is no arguments over who's surname they take!
    I am doing it for no other reason, a piece of paper is never going to change how we feel about each other and after a wedding day we will feel no different and we already live together!
    I think its such a big expense for a bit of paper just to change your name, saying that I started off keeping it simple have now decided you only have one big day, I should just make it a big day but ther is still a wee person niggling in my head all this money to change my name and for a piece of paper! lol

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