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Thread: Needing a bit of advice...

  1. #1
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    Default Needing a bit of advice...

    Hi - really hoping someone can give me a bit of advice on this!


    My wedding is in a couple of months and I'm struggling with what to do with thank you flowers and gifts. My parents have signficantly contributed towards the wedding which I really grateful for, but my future in-laws have contributed nothing. I really want to give my mum thank you flowers and my dad something on the day of the wedding after the speeches but I really don't want to give flowers to my mil-tobe - she hasn't done anything for the wedding / helped us whatsoever and I don't have the best relationship with her. I feel like I would be thanking her for nothing :-( I'm not a mean person but why should i thank her when she hasn't done anything.

    I'm really not sure what to do - any thoughts would be great. :-) x

  2. #2
    Senior Member TheBigApple's Avatar
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    Tbh I would just give her flowers to save any hassle. Be the bigger person.
    Engaged in New York February 2013, getting married February 2015

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    Im in a wee bit of a similar situation, although i do get on with MIL2b, i never see her and she hasnt helped with any of the wedding planning - it was a nightmare just getting her guest list! My mum has went to the end of the earth and done so much so ive put together a wee bag of goodies for her - including CARAT earrings, a Blythswood Spa voucher, a bottle of Veuve, a MOB hanger and glass, and one for my dad aswell - they are paying the reception my dress etc, but i feel the exact same as you as to why my MIL2b 'deserves' anything, but to keep peace and for the sake of my h2b i made her a goodie bag aswell.... although a lot cheaper and includes a hanger, a MOG glass and mini bottle of fizz. I plan to give my parents there gifts on the morning of the wedding and h2b will pass on his mums one the day before - she'll be none the wiser she's gotten much less! i hope... x

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    Could you maye give them the presents away from everyone, on the morning maybe? that way it wont be so public & obvious, or just give the flowers to you mil for the reason that she is just that & your now husbands mother

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    We gave flowers and whisky to our parents during the speeches but also gave my parents additional presents in private. I think it's tradition to give flowers regardless of help as it's more about being a part of each other's families now? X

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    Thanks for all the suggestions, I feel in a really difficult position with all of this, my mil2b hasn't spoken to me since last summer so you can only imagine how much of a dampener it is putting on the lead up to the day. guess I'll be the bigger person and give her some flowers and just get my parents extra gifts x
    Last edited by ChocolateGirl; 03-04-2015 at 04:13 PM.

  7. #7
    Super Senior Platinum Member MrsSneddonToBe's Avatar
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    We were in the exact same position. I bought my parents lovely gifts including a rose bush (lasts longer than bouquet) and gave them their presents the night before wedding. Hubby bought his mum small bouquet of flowers and gave her them night before too. Saved embarrassment etc at reception plus they didnt have to travel home with presents the day after x

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    Yeah i think i would probably try to be the bigger person and perhaps just get a bunch of flowers for you MIL2B. I think the night before/ morning of the wedding is a pretty good idea for present giving and that way no one is going to be comparing what they got to what someone else got! You could always ask your h2b to say a special thank you to your parents in his speech for their help or is that too mean?! I'm in the position where my mum and stepdad have paid about 1/3 of our wedding and my dad and stepmum are still skirting around the issue with only 6 months to go so i can sympathise! x

  9. #9
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    I feel your pain. My MIL2B has been a nightmare - to the point that everytime I am in her company she mentions that we shouldn't be getting married. She's done nothing to help us and has never once asked about wedding to either myself or H2B. We've just sent our invites out and she's not coming to our evening reception (none of H2B family are) and I still don't know what she's wearing - all I know is that it's an outfit that she's had in her cupboard unworn for 4 years - she delights in telling me that it's not worth buying anything new for!!! It was my 30th last week and I didn't get as much as a happy birthday so have stopped hoping for some sort of connection with her.

    My mum and dad have been so helpful and would do anything for us and have done so far. I am making a picture for my mum and have arranged some gifts for them both. I have asked H2B to decide on what he is doing about his mum and will leave him to it. I'll give my gifts to my mum and dad either the day before or the morning of the wedding. We won't be doing gifts after speeches, etc and it makes it a bit easier!

    It's refreshing to head someone else who has MIL2B troubles, and as much as I'd like to be the bigger person I'm a stubborn so and so so!

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsSneddonToBe View Post
    We were in the exact same position. I bought my parents lovely gifts including a rose bush (lasts longer than bouquet) and gave them their presents the night before wedding. Hubby bought his mum small bouquet of flowers and gave her them night before too. Saved embarrassment etc at reception plus they didnt have to travel home with presents the day after x
    The rose bush is lovely idea! My mum would love that! X

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sazzobella View Post
    Yeah i think i would probably try to be the bigger person and perhaps just get a bunch of flowers for you MIL2B. I think the night before/ morning of the wedding is a pretty good idea for present giving and that way no one is going to be comparing what they got to what someone else got! You could always ask your h2b to say a special thank you to your parents in his speech for their help or is that too mean?! I'm in the position where my mum and stepdad have paid about 1/3 of our wedding and my dad and stepmum are still skirting around the issue with only 6 months to go so i can sympathise! x
    My h2b is def going to thank my mum and dad in his speech, he thinks it's only fair as he is really disappointed in his family x

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by lapixiefairy View Post
    I feel your pain. My MIL2B has been a nightmare - to the point that everytime I am in her company she mentions that we shouldn't be getting married. She's done nothing to help us and has never once asked about wedding to either myself or H2B. We've just sent our invites out and she's not coming to our evening reception (none of H2B family are) and I still don't know what she's wearing - all I know is that it's an outfit that she's had in her cupboard unworn for 4 years - she delights in telling me that it's not worth buying anything new for!!! It was my 30th last week and I didn't get as much as a happy birthday so have stopped hoping for some sort of connection with her.

    My mum and dad have been so helpful and would do anything for us and have done so far. I am making a picture for my mum and have arranged some gifts for them both. I have asked H2B to decide on what he is doing about his mum and will leave him to it. I'll give my gifts to my mum and dad either the day before or the morning of the wedding. We won't be doing gifts after speeches, etc and it makes it a bit easier!

    It's refreshing to head someone else who has MIL2B troubles, and as much as I'd like to be the bigger person I'm a stubborn so and so so!
    Telling you shouldn't be getting married?! That's Such a nasty thing to say! I'm a very stubborn person too so it is probably influencing the way I'm thinking. Its such an emotional (and stressful) time leading up to a wedding and you just want everyone to be happy and excited for you- not making it awkward or making u feel upset! As my h2b keeps saying there are plenty of other people on the day that will be happy for us- it's so true! We just need to remember not to let them ruin it for us :-) xx

  13. #13
    Senior Platinum Member Harajuku80's Avatar
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    I'm in a very lucky position where both my mum and H2B's dad have helped us and been supportive all the way through our relationship and planning. I think it's nice for you to give her flowers and be ther bigger person, then you know you've done all you can to keep the peace! Then give your parents their extra presents in private. xx
    Friday 1st May 2015

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    All sorted now! We bought my mum a diamond necklace as a thank you and gave it to her- she loves it to the point it brought tears which then set me off! Lol! She can wear it on our wedding day. This means I can just do flowers on the day x

  15. #15
    Senior Platinum Member Harajuku80's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChocolateGirl View Post
    All sorted now! We bought my mum a diamond necklace as a thank you and gave it to her- she loves it to the point it brought tears which then set me off! Lol! She can wear it on our wedding day. This means I can just do flowers on the day x
    That sounds perfect! Well done! xx
    Friday 1st May 2015

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