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Thread: Parents inviting friends

  1. #1
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    Default Parents inviting friends

    Hiya

    I'm getting really stressed out at the minute about my evening guest list after H2B and I were talking about it last night. Im having a smallish intimate wedding with approx 50 day guests and an additional 70 people at night. I only have a very very small family, whereas my H2B has a big family with lots of aunties, uncles, cousins etc and i dont grudge that at all as they are a close family and wouldnt not have them at our wedding. However my H2B parents want to invite a lot of their friends to the wedding also. It was mentioned a while ago and thought it was all agreed on what ones of their friends would be invited and it was about 12-15. Now MiL has spoken to H2B privately and said she actually wants more of her friends there as it wouldnt be the same without them so they've added on like an extra 5/6 couples, taking their number of friends to about 25/26ish. Whereas my parents dont have a lot of friends or family so they've only got about 5 couples max they want to invite as MOB clearly said she didnt want to take advantage and invite every tom, dick and harry. So now im stressing that H2B parents want so many people there for themselves plus they'll have their large family so its not like they'd be alone, whereas my parents wont have many people at all and I know for a fact my mum will not be happy about this. H2B is such a carefree relaxed person and he says its not bothering him that his parents want so many people there and doesnt see the problem. The whole thing is stressing me out big time and its got to the point where i dont even want to think about the evening guest list cos i know someones going to be angry/upset.

    Is anyone else in this situation? Any advice would be much appreciated x

  2. #2
    Super Senior Member miss2mrs14's Avatar
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    I had something similar and it did give me a few headaches. My family is considerable larger than husbands and my folks have a bigger friend group which resulted in the guest list woes. My folks also gave us a huge chunk of money toward the wedding costs too so I didn't want to cause too much upset!. I eventually had to speak up and tell them I wouldn't be inviting the friends I didn't see at least a couple of times a year. We reached a compromise doing it that way but my mum was defio huffy for a bit but did eventually realise that I couldn't invite everyone due to the costs involved.
    Can you go over everything with your h2b-costs ect And jointly speak with mil to explain your concerns and reasons why you don't want to have to invite everyone? It might not go down too well to begin with but hopefully she'll realise it's your (and h2b) day and not hers. X

  3. #3
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    That is a hard one because they want to share the day with their friends as well who would prob have heard all about their son while growing up etc & shared in his life stories whether he knows it or not but there has to be a line. Go through their list & pick out the 100% invites that who your h2b knows etc then take the others back to the mum & ask do they really need an invite. We cut ours down & the ones we questioned it was answered "oh they don't matter anyway" well why are they on the list then!!! They may just be chancing it i know that sounds awful but i think some were on our list so the mum could show off to them to be honest, god that does sound awful but it really was true lol

  4. #4
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    Thanks both i just really didnt know what to do about this issue. I just feel uncomfortable with the fact that MIL wants to invite so many people (up to about 28) when for the sake of numbers, my family couldnt possibly have as many or mine and H2B friends would end up having to be chopped off. I really wanted it to be an intimate/small feeling wedding - not one where i dont know 25/30% of people. i just totally dread having to look at the evening guest list again x

  5. #5
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    You may just have to be brutally honest & tell her no she cant have them all, give her a number or allow certain friends you & h2b at least know & have the rest come at night, you cant just do everything to please her, its not her wedding day!

  6. #6
    Senior Platinum Member Harajuku80's Avatar
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    Be honest and just tell them like it is! Believe me, there's nothing going to make you more stressed out than having this on your mind! It's not fair that they are inviting random people to YOUR wedding for numbers sake! If they want to catch up, they could have a party!! LOL Sometimes you just have to be as brutal as you can from the start and stick to your guns! I found that out the hard way! xx
    Friday 1st May 2015

  7. #7
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    When is your Wedding? In my little experience i realised that from writing a list in the beginning to getting an actual ready to print invites list, it changed. Over the months, years i/h2b/parents hadnt seen X, Y and Z in months so took them off. So if you have some time, i would add them for the sake of peace and nearer the time to getting final-final numbers get them to have a look again and say we're thinking we need to cut out X amount of people. It also might help to write your list in the form of Brides Guests on one column then Grooms guests on another, i did this. Worked well - no one wanted to be seen to have 10times more than the other - even my parents and there paying the meal! x

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