Stepmother

[rockandrollbride]

My dads wife my stepmother us claiming she is mother of the bride. My mother psssed away over ten years ago and my dads wife has been married to him for about four years. Any how she has never acted like a mother to me and I've never called her mum in the past. It's never been an issue until now. I've been planning the wedding with my fiance with some help from my friends. My dad and his wife now say she is technically mother of the bride and should be involved in the wedding planning ecen though we are paying for the wedding ourselves. She has said that when I book my hair appointment I should book for her too. I wouldn't normally mind but one hair stylist has to style my hair and two bridesmaids hair abd possibly my mother in laws hair. My stepmother has very thick hair abd takes an age to style. I don't think planning a wedding is stressful it's other people that make it stressful. This woman has never reffered to me as her daughter before in the past. In fact just the other week on Facebook she posted a random comment about her two fabulous daughters (biological) no mention of I.
My dad also says he would pay for the wedding cake but he'd buy it from costco.

[lifeofriley]

You are so right, it's def other people who make it awkward or stressful. If I were you I would tell your dad that she is not and cannot, class herself as mother of the bride as she's not! She should not just take it upon herself to call herself mob esp if you are not that close. Don't involve her in the plans if you don't want to. X

[loobyloolis]

I'm not sure what to say to this but I didn't want to read and not leave a comment!

I don't get on at all with my dad's wife but fortunately I still have my mum. I do think that if this woman had no influence on your life usually then you should try, without offending your dad, to tell them that your hairdresser will not have time on the day to do her hair too. My dad's wife told me I was never to call her my step-mother (fine with me) so I understand the evil step-mother! I would try to talk to her and let her know that whilst she may be your dad's wife, she will never replace your mother and you'd appreciate that she didn't refer to herself as the motb.

As for your dad, he sounds just like mine. At my 18th birthday party I wanted a photocake, he got me a very heavy fruit cake that everyone compared to Christmas cake!

I hope everything works out for you. X

[Miss_Gillz]

My dads wife my stepmother us claiming she is mother of the bride. My mother psssed away over ten years ago and my dads wife has been married to him for about four years. Any how she has never acted like a mother to me and I've never called her mum in the past. It's never been an issue until now. I've been planning the wedding with my fiance with some help from my friends. My dad and his wife now say she is technically mother of the bride and should be involved in the wedding planning ecen though we are paying for the wedding ourselves. She has said that when I book my hair appointment I should book for her too. I wouldn't normally mind but one hair stylist has to style my hair and two bridesmaids hair abd possibly my mother in laws hair. My stepmother has very thick hair abd takes an age to style. I don't think planning a wedding is stressful it's other people that make it stressful. This woman has never reffered to me as her daughter before in the past. In fact just the other week on Facebook she posted a random comment about her two fabulous daughters (biological) no mention of I.
My dad also says he would pay for the wedding cake but he'd buy it from costco.

Hi rockandrollbride. Sorry that your mum has passed away. It sounds like you see this woman as your Dad's wife so I don't think that you need her to play the MOB role if you don't want her to. If you think it's going to be too time consuming getting her hair done with you and the BMs, then I think you should say to her. You're totally right though - other people make wedding planning stressful. I don't think anyone means it but it certainly happens xxx

[rockandrollbride]

Thanks guys it's nice to know that I'm not over reacting. I forgot to mention my dad also told me that I've to invite an uncle and cousin I'm not even close to. He basically told me that it wasn't up for discussion. I was so gobsmacked I couldn't find the words to react. This uncle of mine is as rough as a badgers arse. He punched his boss when he was made redundant, is judgemental and makes smarmy comments when I do see him about the way I dress and ehen he did meet my partner he basically ignored him and talked to my father.

[FutureMrsLow]

Hi Rockandrollbride,

I'm wondering how you feel about talking with your stepmother just the two of you where you could explain to her that you don't feel comfortable with her taking the title of MOTB. Maybe you could even put it to her that you feel that it's slightly disrespectful towards your mum and would like that role to be left "open" as a gesture on the day?

As for your Dad and the Uncle... I personally think that if they're not paying towards your wedding then they don't have a say. To be honest that's how we're tackling these issues. It's so expensive to host a wedding and a very intimate thing. It's your wedding so you should only invite who you and your H2B want to spend your special day with.

Good luck! X

[loobyloolis]

Wow! In the nicest way possible... dodge him like a bullet! There is no way I'd invite him if I were you. I'm not inviting so many members of my family (including at least one brother) as I don't ever see them, get on with them or want to spend any time with them. You have to remember that it's your and your fiance's day, you have to do what's right for both of you and what both of you want. I'm fast learning that planning a wedding is the most stressful thing I've ever and if you can do anything to lessen the stress... do it! X

[rockandrollbride]

Well I saw her again last week and she said to me my uncle was to be invited end and of no questions. Who on earth does she think she is? She also said her mum and dad should be invited as technically they are my grandparents. These people I could walk past in the street and not know who the hell they are. I was so shocked that she felt she had the right to invite them. We are having a fairly small intimate wedding with more guests at night for a party so we are trying to keep costs down.

[MrsSneddonToBe]

Its YOUR wedding so you guys do what makes you happy. I didnt invite a cousin of mine as we never see him but has been known in the past for drugs etc. We invited who we wanted. I think its rude of her to push her family on you! Stand your ground x

[JulyBride]

So sorry you are having to suffer all this. This woman has only been married to your father for four years and didn't play any part in your upbringing so she has never taken the place of your mother and doesn't deserve to do it now. If your father isn't contributing anything to the cost of your wedding than he has absolutely no right to demand that you invite certain people. Speak to them , quietly and calmly and say you are having a small intimate wedding with close family and friends and that you are not inviting any people you don't know and you are not willing to discuss the matter any more. Good luck with it all. Xx

[creevy]

Rockandrollbride how awful for you! I'm not sure when your wedding is but this must be so stressful. The only advice I can give is to meet up with your Dad, without the wife & explain all your feelings & concerns. Including that you & H2B are vetting the guest list & only people you are close to are invited. If the MOTB issue is also ongoing explain you respect this woman as his wife but she is not your mother & her parents are not invited. It'll be hard but hopefully he'll realise how unfair they are being. Good luck!

[rockandrollbride]

Hi guys my wedding is in May 2015
My dad being an alcoholic is very hard to talk to and still treats me like a child. I guess I let him. I think he respects his wife more than me.

[moonpie]

I don't think you have anything to talk to them about. It's your wedding and you're paying for it so I wouldn't even discuss the invites with them, just send them out to who you want to be there and if they mention anyone just say, 'ok I'll think about it', or even just, 'yeah don't worry' and if it's people you don't mind being at the reception then just send them evening invitations. Same with hairdresser and wedding dress shopping or anything else, just don't mention them to her, if she asks about hairdresser just say 'I've booked for me and the bridesmaids but I'm sure you could find another hairdresser that you could go to for you hair'.

[MrsMulgrewToBe]

Not sure if there's any advice I can give but I do sympathise. Families are a nightmare & it does seem weddings can bring out the worst!! Good luck hope it all works out xx

[loobyloolis]

I don't think you have anything to talk to them about. It's your wedding and you're paying for it so I wouldn't even discuss the invites with them, just send them out to who you want to be there and if they mention anyone just say, 'ok I'll think about it', or even just, 'yeah don't worry' and if it's people you don't mind being at the reception then just send them evening invitations. Same with hairdresser and wedding dress shopping or anything else, just don't mention them to her, if she asks about hairdresser just say 'I've booked for me and the bridesmaids but I'm sure you could find another hairdresser that you could go to for you hair'.

I agree, invite who you want there, as hard as it is, stick to your guns! I've not seen my dad in over a year now but I know he'll expect to walk me down the aisle! Why are families so complicated? I really hope this works out for you. X

[Harajuku80]

It's your day, your way! She sounds like a controlling, self-obsessed woman who just wants to steal some limelight! IF she's never been bothered about being involved with your life before, I wouldn't bother. Just stick to your guns and do it the way you want it! xx