Right this a long one lol
My BM is my H2B sister, we got engaged in feb 2013 and getting married in feb 2014, she bought her dress in april 2013 and sent me an email of her wearing it (i was away with work at the time), i was a bit upset as the dress she chose was not the dress i chose, also it was grey and my theme is black and white, also i did not have my dress!
by the time i got to see the dress it was too late to return it (as it just from coast not the special designer dress i had chosen) and it looks slightly purply (and like a nightie), but her mother and her were in love and told me repeatedly that this is the dress etc.... i didnt know what to say i was just in shock, she is 21 and i am 25 but she acts like she is 15. my h2b asked me just to accept it to keep the peace and i said ok but my one condition was that she had to wear flats as she is taller than me and the dress skims the floor with no shoes on.
fast forward i am repeatedly told by the MIL that everything now need to match the SIL dress (shes my only BM due to me moving around lots) which im not happy with. in october 2013 i finally found my dress! and last night i had to go round to see them (H2B was on stag) as it was MILs birthday.
i get told they have already bought the shoes which r a 3 inch heel and have decided on hair and i was told that i need to adujst my hair to match - fumming at this point. i am short dark haired and not fantistic to look at and also have weight problem whereas SIL is tall skinny and blonde i atleast wanted to take away the tall on the day!
i have no idea how to tactfully tell them where to go without upsetting my H2B and causing another family fallout
right now for the MIL and FIL problems, in august 2013 i had arranged a get together (the second one since feb) to arrange money, budget, guest list etc with both sets fo parents and me and H2B.
INLAWS were rude and sharp with my parents and sooo not happy, telling parents i will not be having black anywhere as it need to match my SIL. i also announced that i had commited to a bigger package for guests than orginally planned (75 to 120 as both sides wanted extra and at £50 a head it was cheaper to pay the extra £1000 and get the extras that also came with the package), they went down like a lead ballon
MIL and SIL constantly called and texted H2B about this saying they r not happy etc, he kept it to himself but i could tell there was something wrong so made him tell me. so we decided to go round to ask exactly y they were not happy....
well we sat and sat and nobody said anything and after an hour i just said look is there something u have a problem with about the wedding?!(im a grab the bull with the horns kinda girl) then the MIL goes mental saying i had no right to book the bigger package (both parents r contributing largely to wedding but equal amounts) and y did i tell them etc (i warned them before the meeting for both sets) and aparently i had no right to organise anything about the wedding without the inlaws approval, and that everything needs to be run by them first (my parents r relaxed and have let me and H2B organise everything ourselves - the only thing that wasnt a joint decision was my dress and BMs dress tho neither of us had a say in that)
i got told that i am selfish as im an only child (anyone who knows me would never say that in a million years) and told i was conspiring with my mother (who was out of the loop as much as MIL), that i hadent gotten them involved (aparently showing them dresses including BM dresses, cake pictures, and cake samples, invitation samples, pictures of themes, showing photographer options and helping the MIL choose her outfit does not count)
i tried very hard to be reasonabe and said look at the end of the day when its ur daughters turn you will get the chance to control that wedding and no offence but normally wedding are meant to be about the bride, she replied that when it came to her daughters turn she would have to share it again (like hell!) and that how dare i make say that the wedding is all about me, its not about u! (silly me aprently im just a guest and i also somehow said something different) and she didnt know anything, was just suposed to turn up like a guest!? thats aprently not the right ettiqute (i have since researched this and asked people and it sort of is)
h2b was not happy but more upset, MIL was shouting at me and i tried to keep it together (i talked in dull monatone voice like u do with irate people to try and calm themm down - it didnt work) but there was too much personal attacks and walked out crying (which was hard as i had injured my back 2 weeks previous) H2B calmed me down and asked me to come back inside which eventually i did and said sorry if there was any confusion, she replied well im sorry for shouting (not for what she said tho) then said its all water under the bridge now
i was livid and still am
she demands that we come over for dinner every week (which i have avoided as she acts like nothing happend and it has destroyed my view on the wedding) but i have went round a few times for H2B ( just so u know both parents live within 5-10 miles and since i moved out at 17 and have lived away for most of life i want to spend time with my parents whereas H2B never left home until me) so a little unfair
i dont know what to do (im not allowed to organise anything without their approval yet SIL can buy entrire BM outfit without my opinion) and the shoes!
im stressed and pissed off and fed up (since the start of august i have changed my job twice, moved twice, cracked my tailbone, and had this to deal with and plan the wedding) i have less than 3 months to go and im just at a loss
p.s. sorry for the terrible spelling!