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Thread: Feeling low about being fat

  1. #1
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    Default Feeling low about being fat

    Hi everyone, just at a really low ebb tonight, so sorry in advance for the 'feeling sorry for myself'-ness of this.

    With a year to go to our wedding and after a year of wanting to lose weight but actually putting some on, I'm admitting defeat that I'm going to be a fat bride. And it horrifies me.

    When I met h2b I was just under 10st and a size 12, the skinniest I'd ever been in my adult life. I'd done it through weight watchers and gym visits. After about 5 months together I fell pregnant and had our daughter 4 years ago. And since then I've been continually depressed about my weight. I'm now 11st 8lbs and about a size 16 ( I'm too scared to buy anything new and find out for sure if I'm honest).

    Like I say I've been wanting to lose weight for the last year but nothing's worked as frankly, I apparently just can't say no to food! Neither can h2b - he'll freely admit he wants to lose weight but his daily diet shows he's not really that bothered. He tried to convince me last week that no breakfast, crisps, sandwich and a snickers bar for lunch (each day) and chocolate/crisps etc after a moderately healthy dinner every night is sensible!

    Anyway, I can't blame him all the time, he does try, but I've got to admit responsibility for my own actions and clearly I'm no good at eating healthily or exercising. I've got a gym membership that I don't use - I have had knee problems for the last three months, but before that I've really no excuse - just been totally lazy. But even feeling this rotten about it isn't enough to spur me on, it just makes me want more junk food.

    And then I worry about what kind of example that sets my daughter; on one hand junk-food guzzling parents and on the other a neurotic calorie-watching mother.

    We keep saying we're going to do better, but that never ever stops us from not picking up crisps, chocolate etc from the shops.

    And now I'm going to pay for it with horrific pictures of me fat in a dress that'll be hanging around for years to look back on in shame and its making me so upset all the time.


    I'm sitting here in tears about this while I'm writing and he's asked me what's wrong, but I can't bring myself to talk about it any more for us to make plans and end up doing nothing with them for me to be just as depressed because of yet another failure. Bless him, he looks a bit dejected at my not telling him.

    Sorry for the complete verbal diarrhoea everyone. X

  2. #2
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    Hey

    I'm 11st 7 & wouldn't class myself as fat, I have 7 months 2 go n want to lose 19lbs or more I'm currently doing herbalife cause we'll I feel it takes out my issue which is choices lol & I have found myself being creative with my dinners as I can only have 500 calorie dinners & I tell you they are actually so much tastier than the stuff I was eating

    I have a super skinny h2b which has a major sweet tooth & loves takeaways but he says to me well I need to have the will power cause I'm the one makin myself unhappy which is true he's now doing a wee health kick with me & we are exercising together which is good & it makes me exercise on my own because the next time I run with him I want him to see my improving, I also take weekly pics in my bikini so I can compare the difference

    However what Jordan did say to me is that he's happy as long as I'm happy I have my blip days but instead of letting it carry on to another day, days or week I have that one blip day & get back on the wagon

    Keep ur chin up chicken a yr is ages we can do a weekly weight blog if you want see if that maybe gives u motivation say every friday cud be weigh in day & we have to post that way we are keeping each other going?

    The first week or two is the hardest but once you start feeling better promise it only gets easier

    Amy
    Xxx

    Ps sorry for massive reply keep ur chin up and everyone gets blue days mine was yesterday xxxxx

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    It's a shame you're feeling low but the good news is that you have a year to make a difference. You've got a goal to work towards and time to do it. It's not going to be easy but you have the choice about what to eat and if you start choosing healthier foods then it will work. Good luck xxx

  4. #4
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    I know how you feel I had a baby last year and was a bit heavier than you its sooooo hard. Its horrible feeling down about weight. Don't be defeated you CAN do it.

    I went to an AMAZING personal trainer recently but it wasn't just exercise it was nutrition, health, motivation, support. Its really expensive and not in everyones budget (it wasn't bloody well in mine to be honest H2B went mental when he found out the cost, eeek) but if you want I can PM you the details if you are in Glasgow. The accountability of turning up every week with my food diary really helped me not give up. It was hard work but they really inspired me to be positive and to believe I could do it. Some of the testimonials on their website are amazing. I was actually quite crap at sticking to the nutrition and still dropped a full size and lost 5% fat in 10 weeks.

    Anyway that aside hope you feel better tomorrow its just rubbish feeling like that - chin up!!! xx

  5. #5
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    I understand how you feel as I had a baby in January and got married in May. I am 5ft 2" and I was around 9.5-10 stone before baby and now over 11 stone, which is heavy for my height. I have days where I feel really fat and days where I don't feel as bad. I think because it is baby weight I have it means I still look pregnant some days (in my opinion lol) and that does get me down but then I look at my wee girl and I know it was all worth it (as I'm sure you do).

    When I tried on my dress (pre baby) I looked super skinny in it (one of the reasons I bought it) and this had a lot to do with the fact that it was a corset dress. When I tired on the dress after the baby it was obviously not the same and although I still looked slim, due to the corset, I had a bit of back flab and looked a bit more hippy in the dress, but there wasn't a lot I could do about it in that short space of time (and to be honest I wasn't that motivated after a C-section and then looking after the baby 24-7).

    However on the day I felt great. I knew I wasn't the skinny Minnie I would have been pre-baby but it really didn't matter on the day. I look at the photo's and I see the back fat and the hips, but I honestly don't mind it at all. Yes I wish I could have been skinnier but I wasn't and yet I still had a fabulous day and everyone told me how lovely I looked and how much they loved the dress. People love you for you and while you will notice all these little faults you think you have, the reality is that others probably won't and will just see the beautiful person they all know and love.

    I'm sorry for the long post, I just wanted to show you that I understand completely, but truly believe that it won't matter on the day. I hope that helps.

  6. #6
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    Hey,

    The best advice I could give you would be to get yourself along to your local Slimming World meeting.

    I'll tell you a story about me.... I have aways been quite slim, but like everyone else I started to put on some weight as I settled down and stayed in a lot more with my husband. It got a bit out of control and without really noticing, I found myself at 14st! We didn't have a honeymoon and saved really hard to have a big blow out first anniversary. Now, if you look through my old posts you will find the one I posted on our special weekend where a lady in the spa told me I couldn't have the treatments because they weren't designed for pregnant ladies (in a packed waiting room). I was mortified and devestated and spent the rest of the weekend bawling my eyes out in our very expensive hotel room.

    I live abroad and when I returned home for Christmas, I noticed and was embarassed by how shocked people were at how much weight I had put on, so when I got home again I decided to go along to Slimming World because I was sick of being in denial and had hit my lowest point, which is where it sounds like you are.

    I won't lie to you. You WILL have to make changes if you want to lose weight and so will your H2B, but you won't have to weigh or measure anything or stress about calorie contents. SW teaches you how to make really great meals and constantly feel satisfied. You will have to cook meals from scratch and be organised enough to plan in advance.... but.... the good news is the meals are delicious and there are endless opportunities to to make comfort foods. You can very much tailor it to your own likes and dislikes...for example, would you believe it if I told you that its possible to have a snack of a big bowl of chips smothered in chip-shop style curry sauce on a diet!!!!!!!!!!!! well it is! (i'm having steaks, SW pepper sauce, SW chips and garlicky stuffed mushrooms for my tea tonight deelicious!) Before long you will have gotten into the swing of it and healthy living will be second nature to you and your H2B and surely thats a much better outlook to be teaching your daughter..

    Honestly, don't be miserable and cry about it any more. Use your energy to go and do something positive for yourself. I sound like i'm on commisiion for them (lol) but they honestly changed my life (as cheesy as that sounds) I'm now 11st7lb and have still got a little way to go but I feel so much better about myself.

    I hope this helps. Sending love xx

  7. #7
    Platinum Member MrsForchtobe's Avatar
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    Default Feeling low about being fat

    Sorry you're feeling that way but I can't believe you think 11st 8lbs is fat!! I'm only 5'2 and used to be 13st 2lbs, and that's without having a baby, and even then I didn't consider myself that fat! I've lost nearly 2 stone on weight watchers and am currently sitting at 11st 4lbs, considering myself actually quite skinny!

    As already said, you have a year to do something about it. I moaned and moaned for ages and then finally realised it wasn't going to get me anywhere - the only person who could do something about it was me! It does help to get h2b on board though as we used to eat junk in the evenings too. My h2b has lost over 2 stone just by eating what I do.

    When we shop we only buy what we need each week and that's it, no sweets. We do still buy quavers or wotsits as they're low in points.

    You've done it before so I'm sure you can do it again!

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    I can second the last post. I have exactly the same story as you. I was always skinny and size 8 when i met my oh. Fast forward to a pregnancy and breadtfeeding for a year and im struggling into 14's and people are asking if im expecting again. Its soul destroying. I hit rock bottom after seeing myself in photos at a party and became determined to look slim on my wedding day. It was really hard to go to that first class but slimming world has been my saviour and like the last post said you can eat loads. I was 11st 12 when i started and 3 months later im 10st 3 and still going. If you feel as bad as i did you'll know you've nothing to lose by giving it a go. I hope this helps and please don't give up hope. You'll be a beautiful bride whatever you weigh and your fiance is marrying you because of who you are not how heavy you are.

  9. #9
    Senior Member lauracmw's Avatar
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    Hi, I have an understanding of how you feel. My boys are 11 & 8 & up until recently when i was being measured for underwear i was telling them to never mind the belly I'd not long had a baby. We loved a takeaway a few times a week & I was a fiend for snacking. I wouldn't consider myself fat, i was 11 stone but i was unhappy with myself. At the start of the year i decided to make some changes to how i was eating. I took bread & pasta out my diet (that was the hardest part, i love bread!) I replaced potatoes with butternut squash & made all meals from scratch. Its time consuming but I would get up that bit earlier in the morning to prepare as much as i could. Most importantly for me, i threw out my scales. I didn't want the pressure of hopping on all the time. After a few weeks i noticed tops were starting to feel loose, my trousers refused to stay up & people were constantly commenting on my weight loss. I had an appointment with my gp on Mon & i weighed myself for the 1st time. Im now 9'6 & I'm delighted. I am going to maintain the way im eating as everything is so much tastier than before. Small changes can make a big difference. So i would say try to change your diet 1st then the energy will come for exercise.x

  10. #10
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    I was the same weight as you, and didn't have a baby as an excuse, just loving food/wine and being lazy/comfortable! I'm down to 10st since November, and my target is up to another half stone off for my wedding in October which I really think is a doable time scale, so you can manage it in a year.

    I started using the 'my fitness pal' app, brilliant for making you think twice about the extra snack here and there, as I always hate going 'into the red' if I'd had too many calories. I started doing workouts at home as I was too embarrassed to go to a gym. I love the 'ten minute solutions' and 'ministry of sound, pump it up' DVDs. Then, if I had too much to eat I would compensate by working out.

    I then moved on to the 5:2 diet which I found quite easy to do, I do the fast days when I know I have a really busy day at work. That gave me another kick start, and the compliments were coming in about how good I was looking which helped with the motivation.

    I'm now going to the gym and just eating less, which means that when we do have a takeaway/go out for dinner/have lots of wine! I feel OK about it as I can afford to put on a pound or two here and there and then be good again.

    What has really helped is that my H2B is really supportive. He's snacking less, and suggesting getting a takeaway less often. And because I feel better I avoid snacking too unless I REALLY want to. I've had a multi pack of turkish delight (which I love) in the fridge for about two weeks now, they would have lasted two days in the past!!! I think him realising how miserable it was making me helped him to be more supportive.

    You sound lke you've reached the point where I was, and you're ready to do something about it, so go girl, you can do it, and we're all here to support you whether you've had a good or a bad day! Let us know how you get on xxx

  11. #11
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    Alot of people are in the same boat. It's only natural to put in weight when ur happy and comfortable. And also having had a baby.

    U need to focus on the positives. U have time on ur side. U have something to motivate u UR WEDDING. If ur wedding day doesn't motivate u to lose weight nothing will.

    It sounds like u need to make changes to ur diet. Losing weight will mainly come from changes to diet and a little exercise. Which I'm sure u know but some people think they can eat what they want and just go to the gym! Especially if u have a gym membership and don't use it. Focus on ur diet.

    U are the only one that can do it noone else can. All the things u say are things I said to myself and scared myself into pulling my finger out to lose weight. Looking fat in wedding dress and pictures looking awful etc. I said all of those things.

    Sorry if I seem a bit harsh but I was where u are a while back feeling sorry for myself and making excuses. Until someone was harsh and gave me some tough love and now I'm a stone lighter and happier and motivated after seeing results.

    U can do it. U just need to focus be organised and not give up. U have time by ur side and so do I as I am a year almost too. Do it gradually. Couple of pounds a week is not difficult.

    Good luck.

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    I had to re-read the first post to check it wans't me that posted it! Sounds just like me.

    I've always struggled with my weight (if I'd realised how slim I was as a teenager it might have been different). A few years ago, weighing just under 14st I joined lighter life and came down to 11st 7lb. I became very confident and loved loved loved my new figure. However, I ignored the 'therapy' side of it and ended up putting most of the weight back on.

    I was around 12st 2lb when I met H2B and I'm now 13st 7lb. I would love to be closer to 12st on my wedding day. I'd also like to be slimmer before I have babies otherwise I'm gonna end up absoultely massive!!

    I know I can do it again, I've lost weight both with meal replacement drinks and with counting calories, but I cannot find the motivation to start!! I get married 7 months today and need to lose over a stone. GULP!!

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    I know exactly how you feel. When I met my H2B i was just under 10st and in the 4 years we have been together i have crept up to 12 1/2 stone. It really gets me down too and at the moment I am not looking at dresses as I know when I try them on I will not be happy with the reflection. I am still totally unmotivated to move - what is wrong with me!?!? H2B is frustrating me as he keeps saying "nothing wrong with you" but I know myself I’m not where I want to be. My mum has been cruel to be kind and from this weekend i'm weighing in on a weekly basis with her which is quite good as I know she will be on my case if I don't do it! Why isn't there just a magic tablet?!?

    You are prob like me and just need that kick start at the moment but it will be totally worth it when you look amazing on your day! And judging by some of the comments - you are not alone!! Good luck!xx

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    I also know exactly how you feel!! I have been going to the gym and running over the past 6 months and have lost about a stone. Now this seems to have stopped and i cannot stop eating!! I currently weigh 12 1/2 stone, size 14 - but would like to get another stone off before my wedding in may 2015. Your definitely not alone and im positive your fiance loves you no matter how much you weigh! Good luck whatever you decide to do xx

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    I had my first baby when I was nineteen and I carried my "baby" weight for years after. But truthfully I enjoyed a bottle of wine, a take away and chocolate too much. I usually sat between twelve and thirteen stone.

    When I met h2b my little boy was nearly five I was 10 stone 3 and at 5ft5 I felt much better about my shape than I had for a long time. I had started uni at 24 and was surrounded by a lot of skinny young girls so had pushed myself so I would be happier about my weight. I had just got to my happy weight 2 weeks prior to meeting h2b.

    Fast forward eleven months and we were over the moon to be expecting. I worked hard and got back to eleven stone for her first birthday and then found out we were expecting again 3 months later. After he was born I discovered at only 7 weeks post birth I was due another baby. I weighed about 13 stone and had felt pregnant for 3 and a half years, so I decided to cut back.

    I walked with my double buggy A LOT and I completely cut out chocolate but I was at ten stone two months later. I don't drink much so that aspect wasn't a problem. No capacity for it after 3 babies in such a short time.

    By another month I was sitting at nine and a half stone and wearing size tens.

    It can be done and quickly. I have stayed the same weight for 15 months now and as much as I have bride flake outs that everyone is skinnier and prettier than me in their dress I am happy.

    Don't beat yourself up you have plenty of time and not a lot to lose if you want to get to the weight you were happy at.

    Feeling low about your weight is rotten and I hope you are feeling better today.

    Xxxx

  16. #16
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    Wow, just wow! Thank you ladies.

    So many of us share the same story, don't we? I'm blown away by the response and not feeling quite so isolated and on my own. All of you are talking so much sense, but it does help heading these things from someone other than myself.

    I'm resolved to speaking with h2b about this, but as so many of you have pointed out, I can only control what goes in my mouth and what activity I do. I agree with joining a slimming club, maybe slimming world like so many of you have suggested. Weight watchers worked for me before but I think that I know how to be 'sneaky' on that iykwim as I've done it for so long. Plus for the last year I've only been doing it online rather than attending the meetings, which I think is key for me.

    Thank you everyone.

  17. #17
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    There's not much I can say that the others haven't, MrsFanning2b, but please, please, stay positive. A year is PLENTY of time to lose two dress sizes and you CAN do it if you want it enough. You said you can't resist food - I know how you feel, I love food too. Everything!! But from a purely biological point of view, your appetite is partly controlled by the size of your stomach - if you gradually, gradually cut down what you eat, your stomach will gradually shrink and your appetite will lessen. There's no magic formula to losing weight - simply eat less, exercise more. As for exercise, I found that things like Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred worked for me - short sessions, rapid results - I started to see results with that within a week. And when you see results, your motivation increases, so it becomes easier to resist that second helping. It's all linked. I found it helped just not to buy the sweet things, the crisps, chocolate etc. If they were in the house, I'd think about them in the cupboard, I literally felt like they were shouting on me. If they weren't there, I didn't even think about it. Good luck - you CAN do it, and you WILL! xxx

  18. #18
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    Hi Ladies,

    I am the same with my weight, I have always had an issue with my weight and the skinniest I was when I was 15 and a size 12, fast forward 12 years and 2 babies later and I am now a size 22. I joined slimming world last years and lost 1 1/2 stone then put on 1/2 stone again after I stopped going due to not having anyone to look after the boys, met my fiance and have put on 1 stone, the same reasons as everyone else, chocolate, crisps, takeaways and a new cheesecake shop opened nearby and their cheesecakes are amazing. Went back to slimming world in feb, lost half a stone then went on holiday and couldn't get back into it, yo yo'd back and forward then gave up. I have always got an excuse for eating chocolate or takeaways, takaways are usually that the kids have been up since the crack of dawn and constant all day (they have special needs) and my h2b can't help with them or around the house as he has shattered his leg into 6 pieces so it's easy, and chocolate well there's always something.

    I definitely want to lose weight before our wedding next July so I am getting my bum off the sofa and dragging it back to slimming world on Saturday morning, I would love to be able to get into a size 16 to start with then eventually maybe a 12 or 14. Maybe we should start a new weight loss thread so we can all keep up to date with each other and give us a kick up the bum when we need it ?
    Mrs Pearson 2 Be

  19. #19
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    As a couple of you have suggested, would anyone be interested in a weekly weight loss chat thread, similar to the normal weekly chat thread? Any takers?

    To keep it separate from the normal chat thread it would specifically just be about our weight loss tips exercises etc?

    I don't mind starting it - let me know if anyone's interested, no point if its just me - and if anyone is up for it, opinions on which board it should go on - General, Beauty? Thanks all.

  20. #20
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    I'm happy to do this keeps me on the wagon!

  21. #21
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    Fab - ill put it in the 'General' board. Everyone's welcome to contribute.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Rhona30's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lauracmw View Post
    Hi, I have an understanding of how you feel. My boys are 11 & 8 & up until recently when i was being measured for underwear i was telling them to never mind the belly I'd not long had a baby. We loved a takeaway a few times a week & I was a fiend for snacking. I wouldn't consider myself fat, i was 11 stone but i was unhappy with myself. At the start of the year i decided to make some changes to how i was eating. I took bread & pasta out my diet (that was the hardest part, i love bread!) I replaced potatoes with butternut squash & made all meals from scratch. Its time consuming but I would get up that bit earlier in the morning to prepare as much as i could. Most importantly for me, i threw out my scales. I didn't want the pressure of hopping on all the time. After a few weeks i noticed tops were starting to feel loose, my trousers refused to stay up & people were constantly commenting on my weight loss. I had an appointment with my gp on Mon & i weighed myself for the 1st time. Im now 9'6 & I'm delighted. I am going to maintain the way im eating as everything is so much tastier than before. Small changes can make a big difference. So i would say try to change your diet 1st then the energy will come for exercise.x
    This is a brilliant way to lose weight. Lifetime changes will make sure the weight doesn't come creeping back on.

    I used to weigh about 12 stone and was a size 16-18 and was miserable, about 4 years ago my friend dragged me along to a Body Attack class, I was nearly puking up at the end of the warm up but I kept going and grew to love it. I lost about 2 stone in the first year but eating about 1200 cals per day. I was pretty much always hungry but I was a size 10 so I didn't care.

    I then started thinking about the food I was putting into my body, low fat = high sugar which is not good for your body. I was told by a friend to look into Paleo/Primal way of eating, it's basically eating the way our cavemen ancestors would - the way our body is made to eat. I now eat loads of food, I just make sure it's food that I recognise - meat, veg, dairy. I'm never hungry and it's awesome. I've incorporated heavy lifting into my workouts in the past few months and my body now feels firm and lean, I couldn't be happier, I wish someone had told me about this when I was starving myself on 1200 cals per day.

    Here's an idea of what I'd eat in a day. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/food/dia...ate=2013-08-15

    Info about Paleo - http://robbwolf.com/what-is-the-paleo-diet/get-started/

    Edit - My good friend is a personal trainer at a gym at Charing cross. I could get you guys PT for 20 per hour if you like. PM me if you want his details.


  23. #23
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    Great food diary Rhona - love it!!
    I just had my sunwarrior protein and half a banana for breakfast post workout. Feel great!
    I'm struggling to give up all processed food but really, really try hard and probably 80% eat clean. I'm always on at girls at work to ditch the weight watchers crap food they all think I'm the crazy diet police, lol! I'm a size 12 and want to get a bit leaner for the wedding - about half a stone or a few inches would be great. Loving all the weight loss support on this forum it keeps you going!!

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