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Thread: Fed up with people's opinions!

  1. #1
    Super Senior Platinum Member MrsSneddonToBe's Avatar
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    Default Fed up with people's opinions!

    So far in my planning most people have been great. All very encouraging and excited about wedding and all our plans. Then there's my aunt.....I love her dearly but she's testing my patience with her remarks.
    H2b and I decided from the start we are paying this wedding ourselves as I would never dream of asking my parents outright for a vast amount of money for it. Since then my mum has paid my dress and will be paying our cars. That's it, nothing else. I appreciate this so much and am so thankful for their help in any way but at a christnening this weekend she made a snide remark on how my mum and dad probably wouldn't be able to afford a holiday next year because their money will be going towards this "big" wedding. Our wedding is in no way big but she annoyed me with this. She knows fine well we are paying most of it ourselves and we have sacraficed so much in the last 2 years to do so! We are saving for the wedding, honeymoon and mortgage deposit all in one so a lot of money but it's achievable. Anyway she then stated that I was out of my mind for paying 169 for my wedding shoes. Again I had to kindly say that as I was buying them it really doesn't matter how much they cost! I guess I'm just fed up of people assuming we are getting things handed to us. It's been so hard giving up things we love and I want it to be worth it but I'm starting to doubt if we should be spending the money? Oh, and our honeymoon could be scrapped and put towards the mortgage deposit - it's "more sensible!" (Aunt again!)
    Sorry for the rant but it's been a horrible weekend x
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  2. #2
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    What on earth make's people think they have any right to hold these opinions, much less share them with us? If she didn't know the circumstances I would be giving her the benefit of the doubt for perhaps being concerned about your mum. But given she does, I don't see where she is getting at... You absolutely should be spending the money, it is yours, you work hard for it and should spend it as you choose.

    Can you avoid her like the plague for a while and give her a chance to quieten down (*wishful thinking*)

    My future SIL was telling me this "shocking" story last week about her boss having to pay for his own wedding as the bride's parents hadn't even offered to pay. I swear my head started to spin I was so mad! When I pointed out that we are paying for our own wedding, she looked surprised and tried to back-track but I was still not amused. It took all I had not to point out that her parents hadn't offered anything either.... Weddings really do seem to give people the impression that they can make judgement doesn't it!

    Deep breaths and large glasses of wine are what I prescribe... hang in there x

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    Not that it is any help but I am very glad that I am not the only one that feels this way!! But I have now decided to blank out as much of the comments as I can!! I know it's hard but at the end of the day it really only matters what u and ur hubby to be think and stuff everyone else it's your.

    If you want to spend a 500 on a pair of shoes then that would be your choice!
    I find that sometimes people say things without thinking especially family and I am sure your Aunt is not meaning to be mean even though she is!

    The thing is on your wedding day you want to think all the hard work of saving and planning has been worth it! Not regret you didn't go for the things you want to because of what people might think or judge you on!!

    I can sympathise! My sister is now getting marry a few months after me after only being with her partner less than a year! Me and my hubby to be have been together for 4 years they got engaged three weeks after we did!! So I have all the comments from family annoyed they are forking out for two weddings!! Nothing I can do about it though so just have to plan the day me and my hubby to be have dreamed of and ignore what everyone thinks!!
    Good luck xx

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    I wouldn't be happy with that either. You can spend 5 or 500 on your shoes it's no one else's business! And if your mum wants to contribute that's up to her it's to absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Ditto the honeymoon/mortgage deposit. Your clearly a lot more patient than I am I'd be tempted to ask her exactly why she thinks she has the right to say these things and what odds is it to her how you spend your money?!
    Maybe just try to avoid telling her anything then she'll have nothing to pass judgement about.
    Lx

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    It's a sad state of affairs when things go this way. I thought weddings were suppose to bring lots of happiness & excitement!?!

    The one thing I have learnt is to actually hold back a lot of information, especially from my mil2b!! You think you are trying to include them in the planning by sharing things with them but they then just use that information against you or to make judgements on you. So I now only divulge details to a few trusted people & give sweeping comments & vague information to others!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chick20 View Post
    It's a sad state of affairs when things go this way. I thought weddings were suppose to bring lots of happiness & excitement!?!

    The one thing I have learnt is to actually hold back a lot of information, especially from my mil2b!! You think you are trying to include them in the planning by sharing things with them but they then just use that information against you or to make judgements on you. So I now only divulge details to a few trusted people & give sweeping comments & vague information to others!
    Couldnt agree more. I just told info to my 2 bridesmaids whose opinions I trusted. MIL2B didnt seem interested in ours but kept going on about how wonderful her daughter's wedding was. Best to hold back info and allow an element of surprise into the wedding. Which reminds me....she's invited herself to stay this weekend

  7. #7
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    Mine have been pretty uninterested throughout the planning but now with 2.5 weeks to go are getting excited but also getting ideas in to their heads. They asked about where we'd have our photos taken and we told them the hotel, the train station and depending on the weather somewhere near the hotel. Suddenly all sorts of ideas were being suggested and FIL wasn't too impressed he was being shot down. Trying to keep a smile pinned on was murder, I just thought seriously, NOW you want to have some input? Do you not think that we have thought this through and made our decisions already given it's so close?? Apart from anything else our photographers are very quirky so we trust their decision on a lane/doorway for outdoor pics... oh and we and don't want to go to a park/museum/more traditional location.

    A minor thing compared to what some of you ladies are going through but it got on my wick!

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    I have stopped telling my mil2b anything to do with the wedding. Showed her my dress and she didn't like it and it wasn't what she thought I would go for. So told h2b she didn't like it he was like why? So I said think it is the colour puts her off. So he got worried so ended up telling him it was champagne colour to settle him. A few things I showed her she like no don't like that so stopped talking about it too her. She offered jewellery to me and I decided to buy my own as I wanted something I could wear after the wedding she wasn't happy.

    People always have their own ideas but what important is that your happy and h2b is happy. No one else views matter.

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    What is it with mil2b's?!! Your situation sounds so simliar to mine, clairesca.

    I was offered jewellery too, but declined it and don't think it has gone down too well

    I think people forget how much planning and decision making there is when it comes to getting a wedding organised. I'm sure most of the brides on here would say that they have a very clear idea of how they want their day to be and people should respect that. I have learnt to be open and honest, and if people don't like it then they can lump it!

  10. #10
    Senior Platinum Member Harajuku80's Avatar
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    OMG! It's really starting to grate on my nerves the way some people make us feel about our weddings! these are supposed to be exciting, fun and emotional times..these people are making them emotional for a completely different reason! It's crazy to me that people can't just keep quiet and be supportive! I mean, don't get me wrong if it was a close relative or friend getting married and they asked for my opinion I would give it to them (tactfully but honestly) but some folk are just mean! Oaft! LOL...that's me done now..breathing and calm again.... xx
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    I sympathise with you. My husband and I were in the same situation as you, paying for the wedding and saving for a house deposit at the same time. Our parents were great and paid for quite a few things, but we paid for the venue etc ourselves and were proud that we managed to do so. Try to let the comments go in one ear and out the other, at the end of the day you and your family know the situation, it's no one else's business.Keep persevering because it so is worth it. We got married last month and are moving into our new home in a few weeks. It makes all those months/years of scrimping, saving and stressing worthwhile.

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    Super Senior Platinum Member MissMartin's Avatar
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    My advice is to try and hold as much back as possible....people *especially the older generation*.....just don't seem to get it.

    There were even some points when my bridesmaids were a bit 'eh?' to some of the things I said we were having...but they were always nice about it.

    I ended up just not mentioning most things...like paper flowers and black bridesmaid dresses (Unless people specifically asked) as I only got strange looks.

    I also learned to do the same with being pregnant....if any of you are planning children, do not under any circumstances tell people the baby names you like....people will only criticise! (A bit off topic, but a valuable life lesson)

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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMartin View Post
    My advice is to try and hold as much back as possible....people *especially the older generation*.....just don't seem to get it.

    There were even some points when my bridesmaids were a bit 'eh?' to some of the things I said we were having...but they were always nice about it.

    I ended up just not mentioning most things...like paper flowers and black bridesmaid dresses (Unless people specifically asked) as I only got strange looks.

    I also learned to do the same with being pregnant....if any of you are planning children, do not under any circumstances tell people the baby names you like....people will only criticise! (A bit off topic, but a valuable life lesson)
    I've known 2 lots of folk who mentioned preferred baby names, only for their pregnant sister/best friend to nick the name themselves as their babies got born first!

    Keep alot of the planning to yourself - makes it more of a surprise and 'wow' factor!

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    Its amazing how people suddenly feel they have to put their tuppence in when a wedding is being planned. I've learned to nod and smile and then do what i want anyway. When i showed my mum a picture of me in my chosen wedding dress her comment was "you look really big round the middle but im sure you'll lose weight before your first fitting". My bm was there and was appalled at the comment.
    Ps i know of someone who named their child ghengis khan a few weeks ago.

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    Super Senior Platinum Member MrsSneddonToBe's Avatar
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    Thanks guys - good to know I'm not the only one stressing about this. Have pretty much kept things to myself now. My wedding ring is going to come in over budget I think but have only told my mum,dad and sister. No family or friends cos I cant be bothered with it now.
    MissMartin/ WhyteNFrosty totally know where you're coming from! I am now keepin potential names a big secret. My cousin took my boys name a few years back so anytime we think of a new one we keep it hush-hush haha x
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