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Thread: People watching the ceremony?

  1. #1
    Senior Member MrsMurrayToBe's Avatar
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    Default People watching the ceremony?

    We went en-masse to see the wedding venue a few months ago and my mum overheard my mil2b and sil2b (who's also a bridesmaid) discussing people coming to watch. I didn't hear it so told my mum she must have misunderstood and ignored it.

    However, last night my sil2b mentioned one of her friends was coming to watch us 'go in'. We are not getting married in a church. We are having the entire day at the hotel and will be staying there the night before so won't technically be 'going-in' any where. I have some very close friends that will not be attending the full day as we are keeping it small and intimate. But now I think randoms will be standing at the back watching us walk down the aisle and say our vows! Is this weird?? Or is it perfectly normal? I would never consider going to a ceremony I wasn't invited too.

    I understand people sometimes gather outside a church to watch the bride enter but as I've said, this isn't a church, it's a room in the middle of a hotel!!

    My h2b doesn't think this is a problem. What do I do??

    I've been feeling very emotional recently and know I've been overreacting to lots of things. I may also be overreacting to this. But right now it's really bothering me. As is lots of other things but that might become another thread...

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    Church yes hotel no! I agree with u. I find that odd. Especially that they are going about it without really mentioning it to u or ur husband to be.

    I would speak to hotel about it and they probably won't let anyone in. Saves you having to be the ba guy.

    X

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    The *bad guy sorry. X

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    Super Senior Member Wifey2b's Avatar
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    We had a similar situation recently. A few girls I know had mentioned doing this. We are having about 90 all day and I would have loved to invite them but had to draw the line somewhere
    H2b and I spoke about them coming to see us getting married (there's only 3 of them) we decided it was nice they want to come for that part
    Cleared it with the coordinater at the hotel and all fine

    When sil2b found out she said "oh can anyone come?" (Aka her in laws to see her kids who are fg and pb) I said no sorry, we had to clear that with the hotel and pay extra for seat covers. And left it at that!

    I was fine that the girls asked us but they wouldn't have just turned up unannounced!

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    What is the set up at your venue, is there a specific room you will get married in or will you be outside, weather permitting.

    I am getting married at a hotel and my mum said some of her work colleagues who are not invited will come and watch me come the stairs just before entering the room that the ceremony will be held. They won't be coming into the room to stand at the back. Just to see me all dressed up and my mum all dressed up.

    If you say to your wedding coordinator I am sure she / he will shoo any one away in the politest fashion.

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    I think it is a bit strange that people would go to a hotel to watch you tbh. I can understand them perhaps going for a coffee and seeing you all dressed up before you walk down the aisle but that's it really. In a hotel the chairs are set up for your numbers so it would really be a bit inappropriate for people to just turn up.

    We are having a church wedding and we know there are people coming to see us and I love that! But it's a different situation.

    Your H2B doesn't see it as an issue because men are usually like that, and it actually then just makes me more wound up about things lol. Try to calm down about it though, as you will just be stressing yourself out, and if a few people come to watch you then they will just look weird! Maybe your wedding co-ordinator can help, or you could tell your sister that no extra people are allowed because the seating is all allocated etc? X

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    My ceremony and reception is in a hotel and I wouldn't expect anyone not invited to the day to turn up. Wierd indeed x

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    Senior Member MrsMurrayToBe's Avatar
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    Thank you everyone, it's good to know its not just me who finds this weird.

    It's not an imminent issue as I have over 7 months to go. I'll figure something out before them. I need to stop being so nice I guess, I have all these plans to say things to people but I never do, I tend to just roll over and say ok. I need to put my foot down more often; starting with this I think

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    We were at a spa in at a lovely hotel on Saturday, and one area was set up for a wedding. It was definitely not a private area, and I can't see any way in which strangers could be prevented from watching, maybe that is what your sil2b thinks it will be like?
    If the ceremony is in a private function suite though, I'd not expect strangers there

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    At the end of the day - the marriage ceremony is a public event as the announcements are published outside the town halls so anyone has the right to walk in and object to why 'these two people may not be joined together in matrimony'.

    I got married in my dad's old parish church (he was a minister) so I extended the invite to the congregation is they wanted to come along to see the service and many of them did. It was delightful to see them all. My mum's friends wanted to see her all glammed up so I dont see what the objection is.

    Having said that...we had our reception in a big house we had rented for the weekend so it was lovely having it all to ourselves. We nipped up to Gleneagles Hotel yesterday for a coffee (we live locally) and there was a wedding on and the bridal party were having their photos done in the grounds (well the 3 bridesmaids were puffing on their fags and reading their smartphones at the wee smokers table outside - so unglamorous!). At the same time there was a bus load of tourists getting off the bus to check in and gawping, we were gawping so it made me thankful that we had an exclusive venue for our reception...the food might not have been as good as Gleneagles.....but definitely much cheaper!

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    Senior Platinum Member Harajuku80's Avatar
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    I'm sorry right, you can call it "a public event" if you want, but if anyone who isn't invited to our big day comes in to the venue we are paying an "exclusive use" fee for and thinks they are watching our wedding ceremony is sorely mistaken! LOL I think it's different for people who are getting pictures taken in the street/public place or people going IN/coming OUT of a church etc but to actually go in and watch the ceremony without being invited I think is just plain rude! It's different if you "extend the invite" to other people because you are technically asking them to attend if they would like to, but for just randoms or people you haven't asked to think it's ok is crazy and I definitely would object! Seriously...some people! LOL xxx
    Friday 1st May 2015

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    I think that legally, anyone who wishes to see the actual ceremony part can't be excluded. In reality, unless you are in a public place, it's unlikely to be an issue, but in a non-exclusive venue, you can't really ban anyone

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    Quote Originally Posted by Harajuku80 View Post
    I'm sorry right, you can call it "a public event" if you want, but if anyone who isn't invited to our big day comes in to the venue we are paying an "exclusive use" fee for and thinks they are watching our wedding ceremony is sorely mistaken! LOL I think it's different for people who are getting pictures taken in the street/public place or people going IN/coming OUT of a church etc but to actually go in and watch the ceremony without being invited I think is just plain rude! It's different if you "extend the invite" to other people because you are technically asking them to attend if they would like to, but for just randoms or people you haven't asked to think it's ok is crazy and I definitely would object! Seriously...some people! LOL xxx
    It's your SIL2B's friend - not some 'random' - her friend probably wants to see her all glammed up. My mum's friends came along to mine to see her all glammed up. And anyway, it does give you a boost when you see people coming out their houses to see you in your dress and see you off in the car.

    Your 'exclusive use' fee is so no one else gets to book a room in the hotel. Nothing to stop them coming into the hotel unless you hire bouncers and get them to check invites. I think you're over-reacting! I dont see what your issue is.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member MrsForchtobe's Avatar
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    Default People watching the ceremony?

    I wondered this too...I actually find it very strange that people go into churches and sit upstairs to watch the ceremony if they're not invited...take a hint?? I would never go to a church to watch someone's ceremony if I hadn't been invited.

    This happened at sil2bs wedding and one woman asked h2b (usher) if she could sit at the back downstairs so he told her "no, upstairs or outside, you weren't invited" haha

    In my entire time working at Dryburgh I never saw anyone come into the hotel to watch people get married. Occasionally there was people outside. Which room are you getting married in? Jules will soon get rid of anyone that tries to come in
    Last edited by MrsForchtobe; 09-08-2013 at 05:52 PM.

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    Senior Member MrsMurrayToBe's Avatar
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    I'm not saying I'm going to ban anyone. In fact, I only asked if people thought it was weird. I'm still unsure how I feel about having people I don't know watching my wedding ceremony. Thanks for the opinions guys. And thanks MrsForch, I'm sure Jules would stand as body guard, but if someone has made the effort to come all the way up then I wouldn't want them to be turned away.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsForchtobe View Post
    I wondered this too...I actually find it very strange that people go into churches and sit upstairs to watch the ceremony if they're not invited...take a hint?? I would never go to a church to watch someone's ceremony if I hadn't been invited!
    This!

    It's actually something that's been on my mind as well. We are getting married in church so I know there probably will be people from the congregation around. What bothers me is H2B's sis in law's mother who has a habit of turning up to see her daughter dolled up at family events on his side. She's a rude unpleasant woman who's never so much as acknowledged me but I know she'll probably turn up at the church even though she's not wanted and has nothing to do with us. Sorry but wanting to see her daughter done up is not a reason, she can look at photos, the day is not about her girl.

    I really don't get it, like most folk I love to see a bride go by and ooh over how lovely they are but I would never turn up at a hotel or church to watch a wedding I'm not invited to.

    Lx

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    Super Senior Platinum Member MissMartin's Avatar
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    When I was getting married, I walked out the car to see a girl who I know a little bit (and who is one of my bridesmaids best pals) standing waiting for me to get out.

    To be honest, I was pretty flattered that she had taken the time out of her day (especially as she's heavily pregnant) and it was good to get a wee smile from her.

    I would never have invited her as were not that close, but I thought it was lovely that she came down to see us. She just wanted to see us going in, not to be part of the ceremony.

    I think that if it's a place like a church, then what's wrong with having people wanting to see it....they are just wanting to see your day and are happy for you. If it was a hotel, where you had paid for chair covers and the likes, then you would hope that they would have the respect like my friend did and just stay outside.

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    This has actually made me laugh because my mum goes to chapel twice a week normally but if she sees a wedding going in she normally goes over to see the bride going in and a few times ive said 'mum did you really go in and watch her getting married :O and yes - my crazy mum who loves a wedding has seen randoms getting married lol! im forever teasing her about it as i think its really strange but different generations see it as being really normal lol! in your case though mrs murray (to be) it sounds like your sil is inviting someone to see her and her kids and that these people are not coming to see you and your h2b which i find totally wierd so i would definetly be saying that unless there is an invite or you are cool with them coming to see you its a big no!

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