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Thread: Fiance has walked out

  1. #1
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    Default Fiance has walked out

    My fiance has left with only ten weeks to go till our wedding in may. We literally just handed out out invites last week. It's not the first times he's threatened to leave as this happened 3 months ago also but due to him suffering with anxiety and panic attacks I forgave him but this time its not looking like he'll change his mind. I'm absolutely distraught i really didn't see this coming at all. I know things have been tough because works stressful for him right now but I honestly didn't think he was even considering us being over. I don't know where to go from here its so embarrassing my hen nights booked for a few weeks time and everyone is all geared up and excited for the wedding. I'm also the one left paying for everything as its all booked by myself. Does anyone have any tips on recouping costs? Looked to see if I could sell my wedding venue somehow as its hard to get dates there but can't see any way too and not even sure your allowed to.
    Absolutely gutted

  2. #2
    Super Senior Platinum Member MissMartin's Avatar
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    Sorry, I didnt want to read and run...... My heart is going out to you. My advice would be to speak to your good friends and family and see what they think is the best idea. Perhaps someone will take over and do all the finding out for you x

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    Senior Member Mhairi_D's Avatar
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    Also didn't want to read and run. So sorry you are going through this. You should definitely speak to close friends/family and let them sort everything out, you are going through enough without having to deal with cancelling suppliers also. And if possible try and speak to your fiance to make sure this is 100% what he wants, as you said he is going through stress and it could just be a last minute freak out.

    hope you get things sorted out. x

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    Senior Member watson2b's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear this, I don't have any advice apart form use your friends and family for support and make his sorry ass cancel things if that needs done!! Sending you hugs!

    xx

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    Thing is I made the mistake last time of telling everyone and then when he did come back it was a nightmare persuading people to see the best in him n to understand his panic attacks. So I'm stick with no one I can talk too and its killing me x

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    Super Senior Member Mrs Davis2b's Avatar
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    gentle hugs, xxx give is a day or two and let him calm down xx

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    Sorry to hear your having a difficult time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Davis2b View Post
    gentle hugs, xxx give is a day or two and let him calm down xx
    Sound advice from Mrs Davis2b. As this isnít the first time heís left I'd also suggest giving him time to cool down.
    Maybe he would agree to speak to someone about hisanxiety? Iím just putting two and two together but maybe the invites going outmade it all real for him and he couldnít cope?

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    I would say that whether or not it is over between you both you should forget about the wedding for the foreseeable future. He may change his mind but neither of you need the added pressure of a wedding if you do get back together. If this is a symptom of his stress then he needs to get healthy before anything can move forward.

    You need to be Pragmatic, you be the strong one. Contact suppliers asap and let them know. Tell everyone the wedding is off, take control of the situation. You will come out of the other end with confidence sky high knowing you dealt with the situation.

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    Just worried he changes his mind like last time and I loose 6k for nothing. It's my fault partly I think I've been smothering him and need to take a step back. But not easy to persuade someone you're willing to change. Don't know what to do x

  10. #10
    Member tcbehappy's Avatar
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    I agree with McBeth Photography.

    Quote Originally Posted by McBeth Photography View Post
    I would say that whether or not it is over between you both you should forget about the wedding for the foreseeable future. He may change his mind but neither of you need the added pressure of a wedding if you do get back together. If this is a symptom of his stress then he needs to get healthy before anything can move forward.
    Even if he does come back in a day or two, chances are he will leave again before the wedding especially if the wedding is a cause of his anxiety.

    Really wish you all the very best and hopefully you have at least one friend that won't pass judgement on his actions, but can give you a hug and reassure you that everything will work out eventually xx

  11. #11
    Senior Member April2013's Avatar
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    Give him a few days and then speak to him. Cancelling everything now or in week isn't going to make much of a difference. Matbe some space and time is what he needs? H2B and I went through something similar last year and again at the beginning of this year. Space and calm approach to things (from both sides) can make the world of a difference xxxxx

  12. #12
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    You do know what to do. Speak to him.

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    So sorry to read this. I can smypathise, someone close to me suffers from anxiety too so I know how hard it can be to help someone who has it. Fingers crossed you can sort things out, give him a couple of days to get some perspective. If not I have read that smaller suppliers are generally better at offering refunds etc and I'm sure your friends and family can help make any awkward calls. Hugs x

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    Senior Member MrsGG2be's Avatar
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    You need to speak to him. Get to the underlying issue & try & fix it.

    Whilst I think all of the advice above is good, I personally wouldn't be too hasty in getting other family members and or friends involved.

    This is an issue that is between you are your partner. Including others may push him away further as he might feel ganged up on if that makes sense.

    I truly hope everything works out & you are ok.

    X

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    Thanks for replying. He's coming round tomorrow to collect some stuff. I've remained calm with him just scared this times for good. Typically started to receive the first acceptance cards today too april2013 How far did ur h2b go with it wen it happened to u if u don't mind me asking? X

  16. #16
    Senior Member Miss P84's Avatar
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    This is such a shame, I can see how you feel like you are in an impossible position and don't know whether to let people know.

    you said u felt you might have been smothering him so maybe leave him to it completely for a good few days. Consider not being there when he collects his stuff - might make him realise he needs to seriously think about what he is doing? I don't mean go in a huff but just let him have the space.

    It is hard because of the anxiety but that isn't a get out clause - your feelings matter too!

    hope you get through this it does sound like he has just panicked - good luck xxx

  17. #17
    Senior Member coly87's Avatar
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    Hey didnt want to read and run also, think the advice is the same all round. Maybe give him some space and it'll probably do you some good aswell. can think whats best and sit down and talk everything over. With it being so close to the wedding i cant imagine how anxious you must be feeling.

    I hope you both get it sorted, end of the day its only youself and him that matters and if yous both love each other it'll work.
    Not a big lover of fate but i always if its meant to be it'll work out :-) hugs xxxx

  18. #18
    Senior Member mcmilki's Avatar
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    I dont have any more advice than what the girls have already gave. I really wish you all the best & hope this works out for you, for both of you!!! xx
    xx

  19. #19
    Senior Member April2013's Avatar
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    He left too and went to his mums the first time. it was hard and I was contemplating cancelling everything. I remember because it was around the time I was meant to go to the SECC wedding fair with my BMs and I had to cancel etc. In the end I gave him some space. That was hard as I really wanted to do was to talk to him. After a couple of days apart he came back round to the house and we sat and talked. Things had been hard for a while and he had treated me like S*/%e for a few weeks. I told him that although I understand what he's going through he had to get help. He was resistant to it, but weighing things up with him I told him as much as I love him and wanted him to be happy and we couldn't continue they way we were. We decided to give it another go (like a trial) and he started to take some action with himself. I am not going to lie to you, it wasn't a bed of roses and things weren't sorted soon; I had quite a few wobblers thinking everything was going to come crashing down around me, but at that time I wasn't important it was more about him.
    The second time, he actually took really unwell and was in bed for a week (in addition to being in hopital for a day). I think this allowed him and me to get things in perspective. The wedding has put alot of stress in both of us at times, mainly due to money, and wee still argue now but we can see the end game now.
    I think you need to let him get his head together but in the same breath let him know that as much as you love him, he really has to decide whether he wants to fight for what you have i.e., get help, talk things through (professionally and and with you), take a step back when things are too stressful or tell you when he fells like that or call it quits or as harsh is this maybe sounds if he does want to end it then it has to be a clean break.
    I hope this helps, and you manage to sort things xxxx

  20. #20
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    I've been speaking with his mum and he was started on antidepressants for his panic attacks 6 weeks ago we both feel that since then he has became a different person. I don't need to give him space because he's upset as he literally is devoid of emotion usually our arguements are heated this time he just doesn't show any emotion. He's very very close with his family but they have felt him drifting away recently too. Thing is I can't persuade him to try coming of the pills his mums going to try tonight but I can't see her having any luck and even if she does do we really have enough time to find out?
    I'm going to book to speak to the vu on Saturday but looks like ill be loosing all the money as its so late. Just such a mess. I did however tell my parents who have been great thanks for all the kind words there greatly appreciated xx

  21. #21
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    This is hard for you ... just be careful with trying to persuade him to come off the anti-depressants though, that's maybe best left to his GP. Coming off them too soon or too quickly can be worse for him, he needs time to allow them to take effect. True, they can alter his personality and not always in the best way. Sounds like time is what's needed here, he needs time to get to grips with his anxiety and time to figure out the best way of dealing with it. So unfair for you to have to go through this but one day maybe he'll realise you always had his well-being at heart and didn't rush him. It sucks and I'm really sorry for you both x

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    You must be finding it hard dealing with him being ill itself and then dealing with the wedding having to be cancelled. I know it is hard for you at moment but he ill but him coming off anti-depressants isn't your or his mum choice it is his and his doctor. Anti-depressant isn't the answer but it will help him to copy with life till he works out what it is thats upsetting him. I had depression in the past. You think he tell you everything. But he doesn't he has made opened up to his GP. Maybe you could suggest him going to counselling and maybe eventually you could attend after he is ready for this.

    You both going through a big challenge and he has to think about his health first. He probably doesn't realise he has hurt you bad with his actions/illness because he is ill. He probably trying hard to just keep his head above water.

    Big hug to both of you!

    Claire

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    It's not depression he was prescribed them for its panic attacks. He was coping before better than now in my opinion. Before he showed too much emotion but at least he had emotion now its like he's flat lined he's completely devoid of emotions. I don't necessarily want him off them just to speak to doctor about changing them I realise they have there place in helping people as I see that everyday at work but for him this isn't normal. I don't know what to think I'm probably just grasping at straws anyway. x

  24. #24
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    You know him better than anyone and it must be really tough seeing him like that.
    I hope he'll come round soon and talk to you properly, then maybe he'll let you go with him to his GP and you can both talk it through, would that be a possibility do you think?
    Not something you can rush, like everyone else has said.
    Take care x

  25. #25
    Super Senior Platinum Member MrsSneddonToBe's Avatar
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    Have been reading the other posts and was wondering if he might be open to speaking to someone eg a counsellor of sorts? My dad was diagnosed with severe stress a couple of years back due to his company taking the mick and giving him far too much to do! The doctor he went to said he didn't want to put him on tablets as he felt they weren't always the best answer. He went to a counsellor for a couple of months (once a week) and it made a huge difference to him. I know there is a stigma attached to this kind of thing but it might help your partner to talk to someone outside of family/friends and pour his heart out if needed. Also, please take care of yourself. This is obvioulsy a hard time for you but if needed surround yourself with loved ones and if the wedding is in fact called off altogether get them to deal with suppliers etc for you. Big hugs to you xx
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