Bridesmaid ...
Basically one of my bridesmaids is going to get a massive tattoo on her forearm which takes up most of it. When we spoke about it for the wedding I said that we would simply cover it with make up. She asked me my reasons as to why I wanted it covered and I gave her my reasons being that I wanted all of them to look the same and not have one person who has anything which will detract away from the other two girls. What do I do?
Last edited by 2015; 06-04-2013 at 07:10 PM.
This always seems a controversial subject but my opinion is its your day and she should be ok with it for the one day. I would maybe understand if you had asked when she already had the tattoo but she didn't and it will be a big focal point in the photos.
Ultimately you have to think how much it means to you to have her as a bridesmaid versus how much you dont want her displaying the tattoo. Then you can decide whether to take a softly softly approach to try and bring her round or just give her the ultimatum.
Xx
When love feels like magic, you call it destiny.
When destiny has a sense of humour you call it Serendipity
my view is that she had a tattoo when you asked her so you knew she'd probably not want to cover it?
if she had a big scar where her tattoo is you'd not be saying anything so i dont see the issue with a tattoo and i think she'd be in her right to be offended if you asked her to cover it
xx
Getting Married at Lochside House - 15th June 2013
She hasn't actually had the tattoo done yet. If she had maybe spoken to be and said she wanted to keep it out on the day I might not have been so angry but she spoke to me in a totally derogatory way infront of another few people in our work and basically said that I was to find another bridesmaid as she wasn't willing to cover it up.
Last edited by 2015; 06-04-2013 at 07:10 PM.
I def think u are within ur rights to ask her to cover it up for one day. Its hardly the end of the world for her...one day in her whole life! My sister has many tattoos and when I asked her to be bridesmaid the first thing she did was ask me if I wanted them covered up. I am perfectly happy with my sister to display hers, however the largest is a nice tattoo and I like it. However, if it wasn't to my taste I wouldn't have thought twice about asking her to cover it, and she would have respected my request. People always seem to get very offended over something so daft.x
Don't know if it will help you but when I started my wedding planning I had three bridesmaids and on the day of my wedding only two.
Planning a wedding is an event that most of the times shows people's true colours and sometimes it makes you realise that you simply hang out with the wrong person.
I fell out with one of the girls which I though was my friend but in real was none of that.
My husband absolutely hated her and he told me on the first day that he meet her that she was fake and extremly jaleous of me.
It took me sometimes to realise it but he was right!
I totally clicked when my other two bridesmaids told me exactly the same of her!
First thing is that I would speak to the other bridesmaids and find out what they think about it as you could find a real support from them.
And secondly remember that it is your day so if she refuse to cover it I would tell her that she is out of it!
It is a bit harsh but sometimes you're better to fall out with people who aren't true friends.
Planning a wedding is already stressful enough to deal with other peoples madness on top of it.
Hope it helps.
x
She is your friend. If she wants the tattoo and its important to her - let her get it!! As a bride you DO NOT have the right to control other aspects of peoples lives. We get too tied up in this one day and its all us, us, us and its understandable people get snippy about it.
Sorry thats harsh but really - its a tattoo not the end of the world. Have a quiet word with the photographer and get her angled in group shots so its not so visible if thats your concern. Covering up a large tattoo might actually look worse as its quite hard to get it right over a large area.
However talking down to you in front of other people is not on and hurtful. So if its not just about the tattoo, then sounds as if you do need a wee chat about things to ensure you don't fall out, which would be really sad.
I'm not sure people are understanding what I mean. I've not once asked her not to have her tattoo done I simply asked that its covered for my wedding by make up the same way as many brides ask their bridesmaids to wear make up in a certain way or to wear their hair a certain way. I sat here for ages seeing people post about dramas with friends and family and totally thought that no one was going to do anything like that to me over my wedding but two years to go and it's already happened
Last edited by 2015; 06-04-2013 at 07:11 PM.
I would maybe hold fire on it for a while.....
I'm guessing your wedding is in 2015.....I'd personally wait until it is done, I imagine you are pretty stressed out with all of this just now...when really, there isn't a tattoo there yet. Id wait until its finished, she might get something else done, you might really like it?.... but really, there's a lot of stress being caused for something that isnt even there yet.
I agree! It does seem to be a big fuss over something that does not exist yet.. who know's, she might even not go through with it! or yeah, you could end up loving it.Originally Posted by MissMartin
Personally I would be offended if a friend of mines asked me to cover up my tattoos with makeup, 1. it would definately look much worse doing this than having the tattoo on show and could end up smudging onto the bridesmaid dress, it just has disaster written all over it, and 2. I would've thought that I was chosen to be a BM because we are close friends and I am there to support the bride, not because of my appearance.
My BMs are all different shapes and sizes, and they will be wearing different style dresses, personally I think it's nice when the BMs all look slightly different, it shows their personality a bit more, I don't think it should really matter that one BM has a tattoo and the others don't - they are all different people after all.
In my opinion most of us brides (myself included) get so worked up over the tiniest of details, and these details really aren't important in the grand scheme of things. With the risk of sounding corny, aren't we doing all this so we can marry the love of our lives? Everything else is irrelevant.. (easier said than done!)
However.... If you are still dead set on her covering it up, would it be possible for the BMs to wear shawls? If your wedding is later in the year for example, this could look lovely and also solve the tattoo on show problem.
I think the majority of people know my position on this, so I'll keep it brief (I'm normally stuck in there), but I agree with everyone above.
1. If she means something to you, enough to want her as a BM, you should want her as a BM warts and all. In this case tattoos.
2. Personally, not wanting her to have the tattoo on show so that all of them "look the same" is weird to me. Each and every BM is different and unique, which is why you love them. Don't quash their individuality. There's one thing asking for hair and makeup to be the same, something entirely different to wanting their bodies to look the same (in terms of markings). What if she had dyed her hair bright red, would you wish it to be brown to 'fit in'? It's still something as visible and memorable as a tattoo. You ask someone to be your BM despite their looks, not because of their looks or how they will all look on the day. It's something found deeper down and not at skin level.
3. Your wedding isn't until 2015, she may hange her mind, may get something smaller or you might actually find that it isn't an eyesore and you can actually live with it in your pictures. If it is on her inner forearm then it may not be as noticeable as you think, depending on how she stands etc.
4. Makeup isn't a wise decision for covering it up. If it rains or she gets hot, it will probably smudge onto the dress and look a heck of a lot worse.
5. However, this seems to be deeper than some tattoo, and more so your relationship with this girl. If you think that she is so "me me me" and not caring for what you want, and your wedding etc. you may have to rethink your decision to have her as a BM. It might not be pleasant, but it will cause less stress in the long run. Although, I'd only advocate this if it was some deeper issue, and not because she wanted to keep her tattoo on show.
I think leaving the tattoo aside you sound like your just a bit fed up with her altogether and trust me a Bridesmaid who is all 'me, me, me' all the time (I know as my sis is exactly like this) is totally draining and actually can take the shine off the big day.
So for your own sanity I would say you should ask her not to be a BM anymore and as Lawmummy says in the long run it will save a lot of stress. Just my own view though and experience!
This covers pretty much everything I was gonna say lol! I've chosen all my bridesmaid cos I love them to bits and couldn't imagine my wedding day without them in it, if they diye their hair, get piercings, tattoos etc I'll still love them just the same and still want them to be bridesmaids :-) x
I had this problem not too long ago (I started a thread on tattos lol) My BM asked me if I would mind if she got a sleeve done before wedding or wait til after? After feeling guilty I asked her if she would ming waiting and she said it was no bother! She went and got a smallish one on the inside of her upper arm and to be honest I really like it. I do get the feeling however that this is more than the tattoo. I love my BMs and have actually been surprised at how much "tattoo BM" is getting involved etc. I think if your BM is being "me me me" then I would definately reconsider her...do you really want the added stress of drama when you're planning a wedding? x
She sounds like a bit of a nightmare! Are you going to keep her as a bridesmaid?
I am shocked that you would suggest she covers her tattoo up. Its part of her and its what makes her unique, just because you are a bride you cant dictate appearance (other than hair and makeup!)
Have you considered that you are also implying you think her tattoo is unsightly by asking her to cover it up and that she is not 'pretty' enough for your wedding? Im not surprised she was short with you in front of your friends.
Sorry to sound harsh, I can see that maybe there are more issues with you and this girl and she could be using this tattoo (that she doesnt even have yet!) as a way to annoy you but if I was you I wouldnt rise to the bait by dictating something that doesnt exist needs to be covered up for your wedding - wait and see if she goes through with it but if she does I really dont think it is acceptable to ask her to cover it up. It is insulting if anything.
Everyone has different opinions on covering up tattoos, it's nothing to do with the actual person in my opinion it's more to do with if someone likes tattoos or not! I like tattoos but not big ones and that are going to be on show, my best friend has one on her neck but I like it and I wouldn't ask her to cover it cause her hair will probs be down! On the other hand my h2b's sister has lots of tattoos and some of them are not to my taste at all, but rather than asking her to cover them fully I am going to find a dress that will suit her (as she is bigger than my other 2 bridesmaids and what suits them might not suit her) but maybe a dress that will cover part of the tattoo on her back! She has one on her hand which I don't like and neither does h2b, he has been the one to ask her to cover it and his mum has as well, she is more than happy to as she understands they are not to my taste, it's nothing to do with her ruinin pictures or anything, it's my own personal opinion and I asked her to be a bm as I wanted her to be one but she knew before about the tattoos. I don't think someone is wrong to ask them to cover them up, ESP for the service and pictures (professional ones anyway) after that I am more than happy for them to be on show if she is more comfortable!
That's just my opinion though and everyone is different in there views on this, but I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to if uve done something wrong.
This is your wedding and what you (and H2B ) says, goes. Yes, there is room from compromise. But it sounds like your BM is not willing to compromise.
Your BMs should be people who you hope you will still be friends with in 20 years. If you think she will be, then you have to find a compromise. I'd sleep on it for a while then broach the subject again when you have both calmed down and can have a rational discussion. Ask her if she wouldn't mind hiding the tattoo behind flowers / a shawl / another person for some of the photos but allow her a couple of photos with it on display (you don't need to chose these for your album). That's a compromise. Actually, these days, your photograhper should be able to photoshop it out if necessary.
If you think she is going to give you continual stress from now until the wedding (presumeably 2015), I'd either drop her now or have a serious sit down discussion with her. But think about what you want to say and don't get drawn into an emotional rant. Tell her that this is your wedding and you would like her to support you by ..... fill in the blanks .... then ask her "can you do that?" Planning a wedding can be one of the most stressful things we do (and rewarding) so "can you please not add to the stress?" Her reaction will tell you whether or not to drop her as a BM.
Unfortunately, weddings can bring out the worst in us. You can't please everyone, but don't get stressed about the ones you can't please. Just make sure you please yourself, H2B and those that matter to you.
This thread has made me chuckle a little bit because i HATE tatoos but ironically, my husband has two sleeve tattoos from wrist to shoulder and a huge mural inked on his chest and back!!
Although his tattoos are a major part of who he is and I love him, neither of us feel that they dictate or are an extension of his personality. Therefore it absolutely went without saying that on our wedding day they would remain entirely covered for the duration of professional pictures. He also had a word with his tattooed best man and usher who actually offered to do the same because they know how I feel about them. I am very grateful that they did this because although i love them all and it was wonderful to have them all as part of the day, i did pay a LOT of money for photography and to set the scene with my dress and the venue etc and at the end of the day, tattoos are not to my taste, my family’s taste or indeed my new family's taste either and it is us and them that will continue to look at the photos for many years to come and hang them on their walls. One day, our friends will all have their own wedding and their own scene to set and when that happens i'm sure they will make different decisions and the photos they create will be equally as beautiful as mine that they covered up for.
To me, its not a question of ruining a friendship or trying to suppress a personality. To me, the issue of tattoos on show at a wedding is a simple as comparing it to other matters of taste. I also didn't want any of my wedding party to be smoking cigarettes or scratching their privates in my professional pictures either, regardless of what their personal preference is for these activities!!
I genuinely don't see what the problem is, your friend has been asked to play a MINOR part in your wedding day. This doesn’t mean she gets to dictate what she will and won’t do. To me, by making such a fuss it screams that she is quite insecure and has invested her entire personality into her tattoos’. On the day, the only people in the room who would be aware if it was covered would be you and her and if she can't make that small personal sacrifice for you on YOUR very special day then personally I would feel that the problem lies with her and she has no place in your day…
Here here! Very well said!
You have managed to capture what I was trying to say in my rambling earlier post perfectly! xThis thread has made me chuckle a little bit because i HATE tatoos but ironically, my husband has two sleeve tattoos from wrist to shoulder and a huge mural inked on his chest and back!!Although his tattoos are a major part of who he is and I love him, neither of us feel that they dictate or are an extension of his personality. Therefore it absolutely went without saying that on our wedding day they would remain entirely covered for the duration of professional pictures. He also had a word with his tattooed best man and usher who actually offered to do the same because they know how I feel about them. I am very grateful that they did this because although i love them all and it was wonderful to have them all as part of the day, i did pay a LOT of money for photography and to set the scene with my dress and the venue etc and at the end of the day, tattoos are not to my taste, my family’s taste or indeed my new family's taste either and it is us and them that will continue to look at the photos for many years to come and hang them on their walls. One day, our friends will all have their own wedding and their own scene to set and when that happens i'm sure they will make different decisions and the photos they create will be equally as beautiful as mine that they covered up for.*To me, its not a question of ruining a friendship or trying to suppress a personality. To me, the issue of tattoos on show at a wedding is a simple as comparing it to other matters of taste. I also didn't want any of my wedding party to be smoking cigarettes or scratching their privates in my professional pictures either, regardless of what their personal preference is for these activities!!*I genuinely don't see what the problem is, your friend has been asked to play a MINOR part in your wedding day. This doesn’t mean she gets to dictate what she will and won’t do. To me, by making such a fuss it screams that she is quite insecure and has invested her entire personality into her tattoos’. On the day, the only people in the room who would be aware if it was covered would be you and her and if she can't make that small personal sacrifice for you on YOUR very special day then personally I would feel that the problem lies with her and she has no place in your day…
If someone asked me to cover my tattoos I wouldn't want to be their bridesmaid, it's a simple as that. My friends accept me for who I am, tattoos or not. And I'm a tattooed, pierced bride and extremely proud of that. Tattoos add to a person, not detract. It's her life and her body and if you knew she was like this why ask her at all?
Again Future Mrs Quinn, i think its great that you are a tattooed and proud bride. I don't doubt that they enhance your life and i'm sure that your photos, although not to my taste, will be lovely and exactly what you hope for.Its also wonderful that everyone around you supports you with your views, beliefs and vision for your day. Given that you clearly have such strong opinions about your own style and stamp on things, i'm surprised you write in support of someone who wants to impose their choices on a situation where they have no business to be.
I also hope that if you ever did have a friend who asked you to support her views, tastes and visions for their own wedding day, you would be a good enough friend to them to in return, accept them for who THEY are (because in life, good friendships are rarely a one way transaction) and make a decision in the way that a good friend should and decide what is best for them at their special time and try to reach a compromise.
I don't think that life is full of variety and its great to embrace it but not at the expense of enforcing it on others who don't share the same tastes as you.
I don't see the big deal! If 2015 doesn't like the idea of a huge tattoo then it gets covered. I'm failing to see how that could offend anyone.
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