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Thread: not even booked....

  1. #1
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    Default not even booked....

    And thinking of calling it all off. Can't get OH to sit down and discuss guest lists. I'm trying to sort out venue costs and prices seem out of reach. Trying to pay ourselves but that seems to have turned into me paying as he reckons he can't afford to. Yet he won't do a small wedding as its not us. Wits end already and its only just started. Sorry for rant just needed to get it out.

  2. #2
    Mrskerr2be
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    Have you spoken to him about wanting to call it off?

    My h2b doesn't take things with the wedding seriously and whenever I try and sit down and talk about it he tries anything else because he thinks we have plenty of time. However, I tell him how I feel and he will take it seriously ... for a week or so. Then the talking commences again.

    It's just men.

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    Aww Que I'm sorry you feel like this.
    I know on here a lot of us have had the "Why are you not interested?!" Chat/Rant at our OHs.
    Maybe you can write down your own guest list and say 'wells here's who is actually invited... You'll have no one on your side...'
    I know it's a bit t4t but it I have heard it work for someone else!
    I also understand how you feel about some prices. Even when I'm on here and some Brides are proud of their bargain hunting and I'm still like "YOU PAID HOW MUCH?!??".
    The most expensive party of your life!

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  4. #4
    Mrskerr2be
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    For the prices you could always try for winter/mid-week packages if you aren't as fussed about the season/day because you can get a good few grand knocked off the venue that way.

    Also, remember if you are inviting kids they won't be as dear as the adults and can save a bit of money too.

    One tip a venue told us was look out for bank holidays and long weekends - i.e. the September or May weekend. You can get around 10/15% discount for having a wedding on a Sunday, yet with the long weekend no one can complain about work the next day.

  5. #5
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    Don't get too stressed out about a definitive guest list! We get married in 6 months and we STILL don't have a guest list as it only causes an argument. We have just set a rough number in order to book the venue as we know roughly who will need to come relative-wise. Invites will be going out after Christmas so we will just make decisions then. Not ideal, I know, but its the only way to stop any kind of issues arising.

  6. #6
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    I would totally agree with Kmac, don't worry about a definitive list just try to get a sense of numbers. We have a vague list and wil make our final decisions after Christmas also, there are some people who have already been removed as you just don't know how things will change in just a few months.

    The bigger issue here is obviously getting your H2B to talk. I wanted to bounce into planning as soon as we got engaged and was horrified when H2B got quite cagey (particularly as he has been married before, I read a lot more into it than was there!) When we did talk it all came down to him being worried about how we could afford it. H2B is NOT a saver and until fairly recently was on a low wage so isn't quite yet used to have more money. Once I was able to put an outline budget in front of him and discuss what each of us could afford to save each month, he was so relieved to find out it was manageable.

    Obviously everyone's financial situation is different and you have to be realistic about what you can afford while still having a life. Realising we could do so calmed H2B down easily - all the stress and not talking was totally down to the financial worry.

    It's a difficult thing to bring up especially when you are so happy and want to be excited about planning but you need to understand where H2B is at before you get too far down the line... Good luck!!

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  7. #7
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    I completely agree about the guest list, this will probably change several times before you have a confirmed list. Our list probably wont be confirmed until our RSVPs are back at end of March.

    Some men dont seem to want to talk too much about weddings. I have had this issue with my H2B over the last few days, he is just so laid back and letting me get on with it. Which I dont like at times.

    In terms of prices, there are some brilliant package deals out there which dont cause the earth. Might be worth a look.

    Hope this helps x

  8. #8
    Senior Member mcmilki's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Que View Post
    And thinking of calling it all off. Can't get OH to sit down and discuss guest lists. I'm trying to sort out venue costs and prices seem out of reach. Trying to pay ourselves but that seems to have turned into me paying as he reckons he can't afford to. Yet he won't do a small wedding as its not us. Wits end already and its only just started. Sorry for rant just needed to get it out.
    Don't do any thing in the heat of the moment. I agree it is a man thing, you need to let him know how its effecting you tho! I wrote out all our guest list and then my h2b added to it - he has so many. Ive found he is helpful when i really need him to be otherwise i think they are just happy to let us get on with it, as its really the brides vision/dream. As for the money it should be a joint contribution.
    We are getting Married on a Thur in March because it more than halved the cost - we also got a quote for the max amount of day guests 120, so we had an idea of max cost however we only paid the dep for 90 (as once its booked you can usually add on as many guests but can only drop by 10%) however now our list is at 132 guests haha - we will only know for sure once RSVP's come in. As it was out of season we also got a deal with the band & i booked my photographer through the 5pm club - got that for more than half price & its a fab package!! Just keep your eyes open for all bargains, it should be enjoyable not stressful, ;-)

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    Totally understand, i have had tears and tantrums. What i have done is put a list together myself with my family, my friends, his familiy and his friends. Then left it with him to double check ( i had only one friend down for him) . Though had to ask several time for him to even do that. Basically he realised that if he doesn't check it he will have no say in who he gets to come. Then for all the other bits I had to do the research then I would present a couple of options for instance one being really awful band and a really good one and asked him what he thought. I still get upset about the lack of interest but just the way it is. Chin up xx

  10. #10
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    Thanks Girls - think someone is telling me that even this time its not going to happen. Bad things happen when I discuss wedding. If its not the arguements tears and tantrums its usually something else. This time its the hamster. diagnosed with a tumour and playing the waiting game. stress on top of more stress.
    Wish I could thrive on it though.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Kerry1987's Avatar
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    Its defo a man thing! I have to admit, I have not been that pushy with my H2B with the wedding. When I need his opinion, ill ask, and usually he will tell me. Other than that, I have just got on with it! Obviously the big things we have done together. But he hasn't really been that involved in many of the "planning" All he has to do, is sort the kilts! And his Stag weekend! But im quite happy carrying on!
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  12. #12
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    Finally got a guest list out of him and he wants everyone there. For a limited budget its going to be a squeeze. He keeps saying but not everyone will come - why don't I believe that. I know out of my 13 One will not come the rest can't wait. and I'm sure it will be the same with his family. Oh well least i can look properly at venues now.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Que View Post
    Finally got a guest list out of him and he wants everyone there. For a limited budget its going to be a squeeze. He keeps saying but not everyone will come - why don't I believe that. I know out of my 13 One will not come the rest can't wait. and I'm sure it will be the same with his family. Oh well least i can look properly at venues now.
    Whey hey! He managed it! Well done lady xw

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