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Thread: Who should i listen to

  1. #1
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    Default Who should i listen to

    Hey,
    Shopping for my wedding dress made me nervous from the outset, as i am a size 22 in regular clothes, and had nightmares of trying to be sqished into size 16 sample dresses. One of the second shops i visited did the 'pick out anything you want to try on' and I did so, staying away from the obvious small sizes, only to told in a stage whisper 'I'll only be able to get two of the ones you have picked on you because of your size' not great to be told at any time, especially standing in front of a stranger, in your underwear!
    I did my research and phoned round shops asking how many sample dresses the had in a size 20/22 +. The women i spoke to were lovely when i explained my reason for asking. My sister, 2 of my friends and I set off on the great gown hunt, and i have found a few gowns i have liked.
    I went in to one shop on a whim with one of my friends and have found a dress which i LOVE. It made me realise that the other dresses i have liked have been 'they'd do' dresses.
    I almost don't want to like it as there is some detail on it which i have always said it did not like, but in this gown it works. I went back to the shop with my sister and other friend at the weekend.
    I was so excited waiting to try it on, and got all excited when i looked in the mirror again. My sister and other friend just had a strange look on their faces, and said nothing. To the point it bacame an akward silence. I broke it by sayinig they did not look impressed. they both said they were surprised as it's not what i'd looked at before (even though i had sent them a picture of it from the first time i tried it on) and they did not like it, others i tried on have been nicer.
    It ended with me in tears. Of course I am dissapinted they don't like it, and i wouldn't want them to say they like it if they don't; but they could have said it differently.
    I have since been told by my mum that my sister has told her it does nothing for me.
    I am a sensitive sole anyway, which they know, and now i just feel crap about it all.
    While i still love the dress, there's 20% of me saying it's up to me, and as long as i feel amazing, that's what matters; but the other 80% has the look on their faces and silence taking over.
    Anyone else been in this position?

  2. #2
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    Poor you - when is the wedding? i would leave it and look round other shops for a bit then go back to the one that has the dress you 'love' maybe put your hair etc the way you would want it on the day. I feel that while its your opinion i know i wouldn't feel 100% in something my family didn't love, i like to have other peoples approval.

    I knew i would buy the dress that made my mum cry - however it didn't work likle that, the one she cried at i hated!haha
    I now have the dress of my dreams and my mum loves it too but still didn't cry and i can't help feeling a bit annoyed at that and worried she doesn't really think its amazing, but i hope she will cry on the day!

  3. #3
    Super Senior Platinum Member SpecialSundae's Avatar
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    The big thing to ask yourself about their reaction is "are they people whose style you admire?" Much as we love our loved ones, we don't always have the same style inclinations so what they might think is wonderful, we may see as garish and awful (and vice versa).

    Keep this dress as a possibility, try some others on (if you can get to Kudos, Rubenesque, Ivory Whites or Beau Brides I know they all have large plus size collections) and if you can't get this dress out of your head then sod their reactions and go with your dreams.
    Fairy Gokmother

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    Mmm its a hard one, if you do really value their opinion then maybe go and have a look at more dresses. My wedding dress is a suprise to everyone as I untraditionally only took my mum and dad with me, I got the I loved, which wasn't initially the one my mum liked best but she agrees now. My dress will be a suprise to even my bridesmaids. therefore I'll be happy with how I look on the day as I love the dress and how I look in the dress without having to worry that some people weren't sure of my choice to start with, so my advice would be you have the dress you are going to love yourself in on your wedding day, thats most important.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Voodooqueen's Avatar
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    Im the same size as you and I was terrified of going shopping. Luckily I knew exactly what I wanted and bought the first dress I tried on in the only shop I went to. I would maybe ask if the shop could take a photo of you in the dress to see it from a different prospective (they can delete it once they show you so dont see it being a problem). I sometimes think I look great in the mirror and then see photos and the first thing I notice is how unflatering something is. If you like the photo, go for it! As long as you are happy and comfortable in what you are wearing, thats all that matters.

  6. #6
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    My Mum didn't like my dress that much when i first tried it on. She preferred a completely different style. I chose the one I wanted and she's really come round to it now. As with above, are these people whose style you admire?

  7. #7
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    Additional!

    Also, are they the same size? My mum liked the other dress because it was what she thought would suit my figure. but frankly we have completely different figures so she didn't quite get that the other one made me look a bit weird.

    It's natural when looking at someone trying something on to say 'well i would never wear that' but maybe it's just because it's not a style theyre used to seeing on someone else?

  8. #8
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    I know a lot of shops don't let you take photos but what if you took a photo in the dress? Sometimes I feel a photo gives you a better idea than the mirror. Maybe looking at the photo will help make up your mind if your still 20% and 80% or if this would change from the photo. Even if they thought it done nothing for you, if you look at the photo and think it looks amazing on you then I would go for it no matter what they think. If the shop won't let you, maybe explain why and say you will delete it after you've had a wee look and show them you have deleted it.

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    I should maybe read all the posts 1st before offering advice, just read them all after posting and see voodooqueen offered same advice lol

  10. #10
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    Their reaction might be down to the fact that they had an image of you wearing something completely different and when they saw you in the other dress, it totally took them by surprise and they might not have initially liked it because it was so far removed from their expectations.

    Take your time, if you can, and try and more styles and see what YOU like and what you suit.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialSundae View Post
    The big thing to ask yourself about their reaction is "are they people whose style you admire?" Much as we love our loved ones, we don't always have the same style inclinations so what they might think is wonderful, we may see as garish and awful (and vice versa).

    Keep this dress as a possibility, try some others on (if you can get to Kudos, Rubenesque, Ivory Whites or Beau Brides I know they all have large plus size collections) and if you can't get this dress out of your head then sod their reactions and go with your dreams.
    Nothing difficult about this one at all. Special Sundae is right.

    And sadly the people who should be supporting you in this are doing the very opposite, and please don't make a decision you'll regret because you did what made other people comfortable.

    Family or not, I'd be inclined to feel more ashamed of them than of myself if I were in your position.

    I was a size 14/16 with the bust of a size 24 when I started my dress hunt so I know that feeling and I still feel it now, even though my dress is being made (dressmaker probs) so I understand how you must be feeling, but remember the only important face on your day will be the one that meets you at the end of the aisle.

    Good luck honey xxxx

  12. #12
    Super Senior Member Mrs Davis2b's Avatar
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    I am so sorry, I had a similar experience to you but slightly different in that I have severe Excema and felt really low standing in my undies with my skin on show. It left me utterly humiliated and being a size 14/16 the dresses were a 12 so i looked like a frump, came out in tears cried for 3 days and then found the dress of my nearly dreams in a charity shop... it is stunning and perfect in every way...

    I am not saying that will happen to you but be open minded, go to larger shops who actually cater for those who are not twigs and you will be fine ...

    I am really sorry that your bridesmaids weren't helpful... can you take someone else with you next time?? xx

  13. #13
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    Hi Ladies,
    Thanks for your support. I got my dress - not the one i spoke about here, one i saw after this, which we all love.
    This experience has really opened my eyes tho!.x

  14. #14
    Senior Member bonniechica's Avatar
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    I am really glad you got your dress xx

  15. #15
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    That's great news you got your dress. what does it look like?

  16. #16
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    Brilliant News that you have your dress. What did you choose in the end? X

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialSundae View Post
    The big thing to ask yourself about their reaction is "are they people whose style you admire?" Much as we love our loved ones, we don't always have the same style inclinations so what they might think is wonderful, we may see as garish and awful (and vice versa).

    Keep this dress as a possibility, try some others on (if you can get to Kudos, Rubenesque, Ivory Whites or Beau Brides I know they all have large plus size collections) and if you can't get this dress out of your head then sod their reactions and go with your dreams.
    I agree with specialsundae, if you love it and feel comfortable in it then that's all that matters, when I went trying on dresses, there were some dresses that I hated but my BM's loved, I wasnt comfortable so they were a no.

    When i bought my dress, i remember trying it on for my mum and she just kinda looked at me and said "oh, thats nice" nothing special, but I thought who cares, I love it and i feel comfortable, she doesnt have to wear it or look back on the pictures in years to come!

    x
    Daisypath Wedding tickers

  18. #18
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    Hi ladies,
    It's Shanessa for Bercatex. I was in yesterday to get measured up and love it!x

  19. #19
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    Beautiful dress x

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by toots View Post
    Hi ladies,
    It's Shanessa for Bercatex. I was in yesterday to get measured up and love it!x
    I actually tried that dress on in Berketex also and it was one of my favourites. It's a gorgeous dress.

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