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Thread: Bit gutted .....

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    Default Bit gutted .....

    Hi everyone...
    I'm feeling a bit gutted tonight..... One of my bridesmaids got engaged a few weeks ago and has just text to say they have been looking at dates this Sept. my wedding isn't till next year but I can ell feeling a bit gutted. We have been saving for years and they can just manage to do it in 3 months!!,! Am I over reacting? Feel totally gutted!!!! I could never even think about doing this to someone who is supposed to be my best friend.....
    X

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    Hi

    I personally don't see this as being a problem, but I know other brides do as I have seen similar posts on here in the past. So be assured you aren't the only one to feel this way.

    It wouldn't bother me if my best friend decided to get married before me, I'd just be happy for them and think it's another wedding to go to, to get the excitement going for my own. But that's just a personal opinion.

    Maybe your friend is like me and as it wouldn't bother her, she probably hasn't even considered how this will make you feel. I don't think this is personal, but you would know better as this is your friend and you know what she is like.

    The way I would look at it is that you have had longer to plan, so will probably have a more refined wedding experience and her wedding, being more rushed, won't be as polished as yours will be.

    I'm just giving another opinion and not judging you for how you feel. As I said, I know other brides will totally agree with you and would be just as upset.

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    She has now just said they are looking at our venue.just need to speak to priest. Now this Deffo is overstepping the mark? X

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    Quote Originally Posted by marief788 View Post
    She has now just said they are looking at our venue.just need to speak to priest. Now this Deffo is overstepping the mark? X
    Ahhhhh, I can see how that would seem personal.

    Is she just letting you know, or is it kind of like she is asking if it's ok with you?

    Again, you could look at it as another opportunity. You get to see the venue, try the food etc and see what doesn't work and change it up for your wedding.

    But I can totally see why you would feel upset at this.

    Again, I'm not sure I would be upset as I love my venue so can see why others love it too, but that's just me, I can be a little too understanding sometimes lol.

    If it really upsets you, why don't you have a wee chat with her.

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    Super Senior Platinum Member BalbirnieDreamer's Avatar
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    The 3 month thing wouldn't bother me too much but the venue thing might. Speak to her and get your feelings out in the open.x
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    I agree, you have to have a chat with her. I would also be upset if she was choosing the same church I had already chosen. I ruled out lots of venues etc because my friends had used them in the past, I don't like the feeling of comparison!

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    When we got engaged in Oct 2010 a whole bunch of our friends got engaged in quick secession. They are all married now. it did upset me a wee bit at the time but the fact was we couldn't aford to do it any sooner. I think the fact we've had to wait and work so hard for it means our day will be that more special to us.

    That being said your friend is totally out of order. its one thing to get married before you but chosing the same venue is very insensitive. Let her know how you feel and take it from there. fingers crossed for u x

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    I agree, with the others and about the venue...I think you need to speak to her.

    My best friend got married at my venue, when we decided it was where we wanted, I called her first and asked if she would mind...she automatically said not at all, as it will be 8 years since she got married there. If she had said no, or wasnt too keen, id have looked elsewhere.

    It is hard when you have to save for something and friends can have it instantly. I do think its very ambitious to book and plan a wedding within 3 months....they may struggle to get suppliers, even the venue with that much notice....so it might not actually happen. Rest assured though, if you do have 2 the same venue, then you'll get to sample hers first and tweak anything that you didnt like.

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    Thanks for all the comments. I am to upset to contact her tonight so going to sleep on it and see in the morning. I can believe my supposed best friend and bridesmaid would even consider this.
    X

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    Personally I don't see a problem here if your weddings are far enough apart. Turn how you feel about it around and take it as a compliment that she likes your taste of venue? Oh and you will also have the opportunity to see how the venue works and sample the food!

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    I think using the venue you've picked before you is a bit much. Not much you can do re date but the same venue would stick in my throat a bit as well. My friend got engaged a year after me but is getting married this year whereas mine is next. I was a bit annoyed about it at first but soon realized our weddings will be nothing alike at all and I knew she had this 'last one getting married' chip on her shoulder so I'm not fussed! I know for a fact she will make a comment about me being the last to tie the knot out of our group but then I've never been one to rush into anything!

    Definitely have a sleep on it, you don't want to lose your friend over this but if its really getting to you I would say you would prefer if she didn't book the same venue as you and take it from there.

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    I can understand how you feel a bit put out but she probably didnt even think that choosing a wedding date before yours would be an problem, plus I'm sure you know what its like to get a specific date at a venue that you like. Maybe your friend could have handled it better by first asking if you minded but, like some of the other girls have mentioned, try to turn it into a positive and take the opportunity to see how the venue operates during a wedding, so that you can decide on what you want and dont want.
    My wedding date is the week after my younge sisters! Different venues, and we both have completely different tastes but I did check with her first that she didnt mind, so that I didnt steal her thunder! xx

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    Think I'm pretty much in the same opinion as the other brides. I wouldn't mind if one of my mates who got engaged after me actually got married before me after all each person has there own circumstances and what not. I got engaged after my sisters but I'm actually getting married first as one is waiting for a very specific date and the other is happy just with an engagement since she had kids instead... I just didn't want to wait for them as I would end up getting married when I was 40 if I did!

    As for the venue that is a very different matter, I spent ages looking for a venue as I was determined not to get married where one of our friends had been so would be very much annoyed if someone came along and booked it knowing fine well we had chosen that for our wedding... not like she wouldn't have known the venue considering she is your BM.

    I would defo say chat to her and let her know what your thoughts are because letting them fester away wil only make things worse x
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    Unfort you cant do anything about when your friend wants to get married and if they can afford to do it before you then they can however depending on when you get married Im not sure I would like the same church/venue as me though esp if same people. My friend is getting married three weeks after me (was meant to be two but I would be on honeymoon so they put back one week) and that doesnt bother me at all, really exciting for that!
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    I had a similar thing, i got engaged at xmas shortly after my cousin did too. I had provisionally reserved a date at a venue whilst looking for the same date at others- only to discover my cousin had went ahead and booked the same date with no warning or discussion with me. Although i didnt mind getting married without her there it was going to be awkward for family members to chose between us so i ended up having to change my date and venue to accomodate hers.

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    Well a wee updat. After sleeping on this I now don't feel quite so bad. Although I am still very much upset at her picking the same venue I am not so annoyed at her getting married before me.mshe had text asking if I could meet her (not knowing my feelings) and I said yes I think we need to chat, she seemed oblivious and simply replied what do you mean so I went on to tell her I was happy about her wedding but very upset about her venue choice.......I'm still waiting on a reply! X

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    Good for u. i really don't know how someone could be so oblivious though! I hope u get it all sorted soon. let us know how u get on. take care x

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    Good luck at getting the situation sorted, I totally agree with the others here with regards to booking the same venue would be different if it was after your wedding but before I think is just taking the p**s !!
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    Hi,

    I wouldn't mind the getting married before me part as people have special dates ect. But booking my venue and using it before me I would be furious!! Wouldn't mind after I was married but not before and especially not my best friend! lol

    It took forever and for me and my H2B to find the perfect venue for us and for someone just to go in and take that away from you i'd be so so annoyed and upset.

    let us know how you get on xx

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    Still not heard a thing from her. Take it she is making my decision for me. Should be me no speaking t her don't he think?

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    Probably done over text isn't the best idea. You should have met face to face, right now she might be wondering why you'v egot a problem?

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    i said we needed to meet up but she hasnt text back . Regardless, she should know she is out of order!

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    Is it the same venue as in same church? or is it the same venue as in reception? Just wondered as I meant to ask that before.

    As I said in previous posts we are all different and maybe this wouldn't haven bothered her so she has no idea why you would be annoyed.

    So maybe it is best to talk about it. No point losing a good friend over what could just be a misunderstanding.

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    I really don't think she's out of order. You don't have exclusivity over the venue and her decision to have her wedding there is probably all to do with the available venues, budget and that it's a nice venue. Nothing to do with trying to spite you. I think you should act like the bigger person and pick up the phone to speak to her. She's supposed to be your friend after all. Don't let something so minor ruin a friendship. And potentially if you carry on holding a grudge, both your weddings.

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    I can understand why you would be upset and if I was in your shoes I woul feel the same but I would be the on to make the first mov to sort it out as I am sure despite this you don't wan to lose her friendship x

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