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Thread: Help...who to ask to give me away

  1. #1
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    Default Help...who to ask to give me away

    Hi ladies,

    Looking for a bit of advice, I am not getting married until 2014 but already getting a headache over who to ask to give me away. Sadly my dad passed away two years ago. I have three brothers, the eldest is 14 years older than me and we have never really got on (I find him incredibly grumpy and arrogant!) but my H2B did ask him for my hand in marriage as he is "head of the Family". The youngest of my older brother's is the one who I would say I am closest to, with only 3 years age difference we use to hang out with same friends but he also thinks it should be the eldest one. The third of my brothers is lovely but would rather not do it.

    I do have the choice of asking my mum but felt that I didn't want to take away her moment of being mother of the bride and seeing me walk down the aisle.

    Thanks
    x

  2. #2
    Senior Member Miss Pinot Grigio's Avatar
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    I think it should be who you feel you want walking beside you down the aisle - what does your heart say?

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    I also have three brothers and the eldest one I'm not that close to as well, so I decided it would be easiest to ask my Mum which she is more than happy to do. It's a hard choice, unless you get each brother to walk you down a bit of the aisle (if its long enough)?

    PS I dont think your Mum would miss out on much tbh if she did give you away. I'm sure she will be bursting with pride on the day either way! x

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    My heart is torn between the youngest of my brothers and my mum, I guess that's where the real dilemma is! I would be just as happy to ask either, but my eldest brother has a HUUUUGE chip on his soldier and would take it personally if I didn't ask him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by vintagebelle View Post
    I also have three brothers and the eldest one I'm not that close to as well, so I decided it would be easiest to ask my Mum which she is more than happy to do. It's a hard choice, unless you get each brother to walk you down a bit of the aisle (if its long enough)?

    PS I dont think your Mum would miss out on much tbh if she did give you away. I'm sure she will be bursting with pride on the day either way! x


    Thank you vintagebelle, it helps to hear from someone in a similar position. Think I may ask my mum, I could always have a dance with each of my brother's in the evening!

  6. #6
    Senior Member Miss Pinot Grigio's Avatar
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    The other way to look at it is, your eldest brother has already fulfilled a bit of your dad's role when your H2B asked him for your hand in marriage and he said yes. So, giving you away at the wedding could be a part of your dad's role that your mum takes on. If you don't really get on with your eldest brother then I especially think your mum sounds like the right person to walk with you down the aisle - but it's up to you. I would say, someone close to you show walk you down the aisle - whether that is a parent, sibling, grandparent or friend, I don't think it matters so long as they are special to you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Pinot Grigio View Post
    The other way to look at it is, your eldest brother has already fulfilled a bit of your dad's role when your H2B asked him for your hand in marriage and he said yes. So, giving you away at the wedding could be a part of your dad's role that your mum takes on. .

    Thanks,
    That is a good way to look at it.

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    I think asking your mum would be lovely but i see your point about seeing you walk down the aisle. My dad also died a few years ago and I really struggled with who to ask, I have one brother and it's not that we dislike eachother but we really arent close (see/speak to eachother once every few years that sort of thing) however a lot of the family, and H2Bs family, just automatically assumed he would be walking me down the aisle in my dads place and it just want going to happen. I thought about asking mum but felt it would be too tough on her and also considered my papa on my dads side (but sadly he also died 6 months ago) and even one of my bridesmaids dad (mum was very ill when i was about 14 and dad and I were at eachothers throats all the time, I moved out to stay with her for a week or two before we killed eachother, her parents have been like my second set of parents ever since)Eventually decided on my uncle, dads brother. He's lived abroad for a number of years but moved back home about 5 years ago and we became quite close and it seems like a good compromise for everyone, but most importantly me.

    Whoever you choose needs to be the right person for you, dont go asking someone just to keep them happy, you'll regret it in the end x

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    Hi,

    Im not sure if this is something you have considered, but you could walk down the isle on your own with a photo of your dad attached to your bouquet.

    I know it will never be the same as your dad actually walking you down the isle but it means your mum can fulfil her role of MOB & see you walking down the isle and it will also save you the hard decision of choosing between your brothers.

    Just make sure you are completely happy with whatever decision you make.It is your day afterall.

  10. #10
    Junior Member Tucessory's Avatar
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    I am doing exactly that. My father passed away 3 years ago. I was very close with my father and I couldn't imagine anyone else walk me down the isle - to me personally it doesn't feel right. So I was very glad when a friend suggested what you're saying below. Very nice idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by MissB2MrsF View Post
    Hi,

    Im not sure if this is something you have considered, but you could walk down the isle on your own with a photo of your dad attached to your bouquet.

    I know it will never be the same as your dad actually walking you down the isle but it means your mum can fulfil her role of MOB & see you walking down the isle and it will also save you the hard decision of choosing between your brothers.

    Just make sure you are completely happy with whatever decision you make.It is your day afterall.

  11. #11
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    Thanks everyone for their thoughts,

    I think I will ask my mum to give me away, I think she would be please do it, and if not then it's back to the drawing board! I do like the idea of a picture of my dad in bouquet though, think I may do that also. Would be nice to have a wee bit of him there, although I know my H2B will mention him in the speech.

    Thank you again everyone

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    Quote Originally Posted by shellyG View Post
    Thanks everyone for their thoughts,

    I think I will ask my mum to give me away, I think she would be please do it, and if not then it's back to the drawing board! I do like the idea of a picture of my dad in bouquet though, think I may do that also. Would be nice to have a wee bit of him there, although I know my H2B will mention him in the speech.

    Thank you again everyone

    I think asking your mom is a wonderful idea. I'm sure she would be estatic to do that for her little girl.

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    Super Senior Member Mrs Davis2b's Avatar
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    asking your mum is a fantastic idea!

    I asked a friend of mine from Birmingham, I didn't want either of my two brothers as we aren't close.

    My giver awayer is a good friend who attends the same church as me and recently was asked by my daughter to be her godfather. I couldnt imagine anyone else giving me away xx

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    I am in the same situation as most of you guys.
    I have relatives I could have asked, but I decided to ask one of my dad's friends, who is a very close family friend. He was very emotional when I asked him and I know its the right decision for me. Don't limit yourself to blood relatives only would be my advice. I think if I had asked my mum, it would have been very, very difficult for her to do.

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    I think its different for everyone....I am pretty sure my mum would spend the time thinking "this is what my husband should be doing". For us, its better that she sits as mother of the bride, which she always would have been.

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    Ach I tell you what, I'll walk you down the aisle, we'll have a right good laugh :-)

    Seriously though... Defo go for the brother YOU want. Perhaps your oldest brother can have another role... ie head usher? And make a big fuss about how it's because he's head of the family that you trust him to make sure everything is in order for your entrance? xx

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    My dad passed away almost 10 years ago. I have 2 half brothers from my dad's first marriage but I always knew in my heart that I wanted my mum to walk me down the aisle. She was absolutely over the moon when I asked her and was so excited about the possibility of a more expensive outfit given that she was acting as both mother and father of the bride!! We got married a month ago and I have to say I've never seen my mum look more radiant! She kept me completely at ease walking down the aisle and gave a great speech at the reception. Everyone is still talking about her outfit and hat - it cost as much as my dress!

    I had both of my brothers do readings at the ceremony.

    You will know in your heart what feels right and at the end of the day you have to do the right thing by you, not by anyone else x

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kazia14 View Post
    Ach I tell you what, I'll walk you down the aisle, we'll have a right good laugh :-)

    Seriously though... Defo go for the brother YOU want. Perhaps your oldest brother can have another role... ie head usher? And make a big fuss about how it's because he's head of the family that you trust him to make sure everything is in order for your entrance? xx
    Haha Kazia14, Might take you up on that!!

    Thanks girls for all your advice.

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    Aww hunny you know your dad will be with you in spirit. I am sure your mum will be over the moon to walk you down the aisle - because you are her favourite daughter, because your worth it, because she loves you, because she can!! xx

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    My dad passed away when I was 7 & I have 2 older brothers -I asked the younger of the two as we very close growing up & since the elder of them was in the army & has lived in Germany for a long time I feel he's a little bit of a stranger. Also -I know on the day I will need to be kept laughing to quell the nerves & my brother is the funniest person I know so I feel I've made the right decision for me

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    I was at a wedding recently where the brides dad had split from mum recently and wasn't invited to wedding. The bride didn't want to walk in alone but her mum was obviously finding things tough. What she did was walked in together with her husband. I thought this sounded wierd originally but actually was really lovely, they had a humanist ceremony and the celebrant said they walked in together as friends and lovers and left as man and wife, which i liked! Just another wee suggestion for you!

  22. #22
    Senior Platinum Member Harajuku80's Avatar
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    Aww walking in together is a lovely idea! I've also asked my mum to give me away as she was the one who was there for me and my sisters when dad left...I've told her she doesn't have to if she'd rather just be MOTB and see it from the front of the ceremony room..I have other people that would do it but I wanted to ask her first...I think it's up to you and whatever you want to do..everyone's weddings are different because WE are different and our LIVES are different! I hope you manage to get it sorted out xx
    Friday 1st May 2015

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    My Mum is giving me away, I had always dreamed it would be my Papa but he passed away last year. My Mum and Dad split when I was weeks old and although I shall have my Dad and his family at the ceremony I felt I was not my Dad's place to give away as my Mum, Gran and Papa raised me. My Mum was very aprehensive about doing it but when I explained that I felt she was the only one I could have do it she was pleased to do it. I wish my Papa was doing it but I have his wedding ring which will be sown into my dress and a piece of heather which he had for many years for my boquet so he will be there in spirit. xx

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