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Thread: Invites are going out this week, but H2B's Aunt has been told she only has days left

  1. #1
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    Default Invites are going out this week, but H2B's Aunt has been told she only has days left

    Hi ladies,
    Im in such a dilema, I adore my fiances aunt, she's a lovely friendly person, we have always got on very well. About a year ago she was diagnosed with cancer and given a 1 in 10 chance of survival, she got an operation and went through chemo and radio. She took a bad turn yesterday and the doctor has told her she only has days, weeks if she's lucky left. You always hope that the person you love will be the lucky one to survive the odds and make it. But with the wedding in July it looks like she wont be there with us, and I cant believe it. I had a cry yesterday and we're going down to see her today. My dilema is, we were planning to get the invites this week and next week, but with so much going on now I feel like it would be in poor taste to send them out now, but we need RSVPs by the end of May to confirm guest numbers and menu choices to the caterer 4 weeks before the day. I lost my mum and granda to cancer and the closer the wedding gets the more I miss them. And now someone else I care about is seriously ill, I feel so guilty talking about the wedding and looking forward to it and getting excited about it because his aunt is dying. I just dont know what to do.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Miss Pinot Grigio's Avatar
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    This is going to be really hard for you and your fiance however it works out.... All I can think is, what do you think your fiance's aunt would want you to do right now? I know it's easier said that done, but she may want you to continue wedding planning... Best wishes.

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    Senior Member Leanney265's Avatar
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    I understand where you are coming from H2B's aunt has terminal cancer and her family are surprised she made it through January. She's too stubborn to give up, however, they have basically said to us that she won't make the wedding in August (although she's still talking about getting a wig for the big day!). We've, reluctantly, taken her off the guest list but it just doesnt feel right.

    I would agree with Miss Pinot about doing what you think she would want to you do, i'm sure she wouldn't want anything to cast a shadow over your day.

    x

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    Super Senior Platinum Member missm2mrsf's Avatar
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    i think she would want you to carry on your plans. everyone knows that you will be upset and its just you need to do it.

    So sorry to hear about his aunt, your so right always think people we love will be ok. You may have read I lost my auntie a few weeks ago, even though i read a million times her condition was usually fatal I really thought she was gonna be ok as docs didnt mention it being fatal. But now i have resumed wedding planning with only 8 weeks to go. i know she would want me to as she was so looking forward to it and i know she will be with me on the day. same as h2bs auntie will be with you. xxx

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    I think she would want you to carry on with your plans and I would even still give her an invite. No one can put a time on someones life and they do get it wrong some people manage to fight on and especially when there is one last thing they want to do which could be your wedding. I wouldn't post hers to her but I would maybe speak to her and explain you still want her to have the invite etc and hand it to her personally. It could make her feel worse knowing everyone has ther invites and she never got one.

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    Super Senior Platinum Member missm2mrsf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xlindax View Post
    I think she would want you to carry on with your plans and I would even still give her an invite. No one can put a time on someones life and they do get it wrong some people manage to fight on and especially when there is one last thing they want to do which could be your wedding. I wouldn't post hers to her but I would maybe speak to her and explain you still want her to have the invite etc and hand it to her personally. It could make her feel worse knowing everyone has ther invites and she never got one.
    yeah i totally agree about the invite, she would like to see them im sure. my auntie got hers whilst in hosp and loved it. so though she never got to see my dress or my venue the fact she recieved her invite and had her outfit purchased makes me feel even more like she will be there x

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    So sorry to hear this sad news.

    What are your H2Bs family like? By this I mean are they likely to take it offensively if they receive an invite at this time? And what is his aunt like, does she give you the impression she wants you to get on with it? I think post the invites to your own guests definately but only you can be the judge of how your H2Bs family react to it. I have a guest who has been told their mother does not have long to live. Depsite them knowing other guests and would know they received their invites, I held off posting their invite until I knew they were over the initial shock (they knew they were full day guests anyway). How close are you to your future parents-in-law, can you or H2B approach them with this one? I think it is so personal to how each family/person deals with grief. x

  8. #8
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    Thanks for all your support and advice!
    We went and saw her today, she looks awful, a shadow of herself. They increased her meds today n the mcmillan nurse has said that she wont be with us after Monday. Very sad and h2b who i have never seen cry got very upset. We took the invite up with us to play it by ear and her son brought the wedding so we handed it to her but she is so weak i had to open the envelope for her. She said they're lovely where did i get them, i said i made them and she you did a good job of them. We chatted and had a laugh but she just looks terrible and her poor husband is distraught. Thanks again ladies.

  9. #9
    Senior Member November bride's Avatar
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    Hi i just wanted to say how sorry i am for what your fiance and yourself are going through, i lost my uncle to cancer 2years ago and my aunt last year. You always just assume that they will always be there dont you.

    best wishes g x

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