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Thread: Hen Weekend Hassle!

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    Angry Hen Weekend Hassle!

    Mega peed off tonight and need to bitch but can't do so on facebook as those who have peed me off will see!

    Chief bridesmaid and I started thinking about the hen weekend back in September. She asked me how many people I thought would be going. I emailed round everyone who I wanted to invite. I explained to them I was hoping to have a night or two away, somewhere in Scotland, probably Edinburgh. I didn't have a definite venue in mind so wasn't able to give an indication of cost at that stage but did said I was hoping it wouldn't be expensive. All in, 17 people said yes and there were 4 maybes.

    So we started looking for accommodation and eventually came across this lodge just outside Edinburgh - http://statelyescapes.co.uk/holiday-...n/31-scotland/

    Given that 17 people had said they were coming and I still had 4 maybes I decided to book it as they only had one weekend available around the time I was looking to have my hen weekend as bridesmaid number 2 (my younger cousin) is a teacher and we were restricted to school holidays. I paid the deposit of 780 to secure the lodge. If the lodge is filled then the accommodation cost for the weekend if 112 - which I didn't think was bad for two nights away.

    Fast forward to last week when chief bridesmaid decided to email out a proper invitation to everyone, including the maybe people. Firstly H2B's sister and her partner (gay relationship) said they wouldn't be coming, despite saying they would. Cashflow problems apparently - eh, hello, wedding has been planned for the best part of 18 months now, it's not like I've sprung a suprise on you! I was annoyed at first and then thought fair enough, I'll have a good weekend without you. Then tonight I get a call from chief bridesmaid to say that she got a text from bridesmaid number 2 yesterday (my younger cousin) to say that her sister (my older cousin) and her mum and my other auntie have decided that they'll just go for one night and they'll spend the day shopping in Edinburgh on the saturday and rather than stay in the lodge they'll stay in a city centre hotel as they think that'll be cheaper - so, really you're not coming to my hen weekend at all given that Saturday is the main day of my hen weekend! I can just about understand my older cousin as she's just had a baby and only really wants to be away one night which is fair enough but why bother going to stay in a city centre hotel and have hee haw to do with my hen weekend which will be taking place 15 miles outside the city centre?!?

    Seriously - what is wrong with these people - of all the people I invited, I never for a minute put any of these five people down as being the kind of people who would back out for some reason! They're all family or soon-to-be family for godsake! The people you are meant to be able to rely on!

    So now I'm sitting here having paid 780 for a lodge with the balance due towards the end of January and so far other than me, my two bridesmaids and my mum, only two people have come back to say they want to attend!

    Raging.com!!!!

  2. #2
    Super Senior Platinum Member BalbirnieDreamer's Avatar
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    I feel your pain! I handed over the organising of my hen do to my bridesmaids as I can't handle anymore stress! Who'd have thought it could be so difficult! I hope you get something sorted! *hugs*
    Lx
    Craig and Laura's Wedding Website
    16th of June 2012

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    Thanks - I seriously feel like cancelling it all and not having any sort of hen celebrations at all!

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    What a difficult situation to be in. There is nothing worse than people saying that they will do one thing then do another. Hope that you get it all sorted out. x

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    I can see why you are annoyed at people saying yes, but maybe you were a wee bit too quick to book as no one knew exactly where it was or how much it would cost did they have the dates? As maybe some are not free that weekend. Maybe on hearing this is the plan, this is the cost, who is in? people would maybe have changed there minds at this point.
    Hen weekends can be expensive even if you get something cheap its the spending money on top. Even having known well in advance about the wedding its all money from getting an outfit, present, money for drink, taxis, hotels and then a hen weekend on top. Maybe having had the price people have re thought what they can afford. If you havent said you have already booked I would maybe contact them all again and just say they dont have many free weekends can everyone give you a definate yes or no asap, maybe you will get a few more replys quite quick.
    Easy to say but I wouldnt get too annoyed with people as originally you had stated a night or two and you maybe should have gave out the info 1st and collected deposits and so on so you were not left out of pocket. Would you loose a lot in cancelling and getting a re count and re booking something else with those def coming. I think with anything like this people circumstances change and dont always see the hurry to book things or to get money too you, you will always have people letting you down maybe not on purpose it just seems to be the way weddings go.
    I have been planning my hen night since aug, it wont be until end of jan. I guessed trying to collect money nov dec everyone would be skint so started collecting early, I have booked 19 spaces and I am still waiting on 6 people getting money to me to add them on and mine is only 21 for a tribute night. Hen nights are more bother to organise than the wedding I think!

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    I had actually given people a rough indication of the accommodation costs I was looking at and specified the weekend It was going to be. Prior to booking I spoke to a number of people in the group to get an idea of what they thought of the actual cost and they said it seemed really fair for the standard of accommodation. It's certainly not been a question of people not being free that weekend, especially in the case of my two aunts and my older cousin who indicate they intend to go to Edinburgh anyway! The deposit for the accommodation had to be paid at the time of booking and given the popularity of the venue there was not enough time to ask all 20 people before booking, it took long enough to get a response the first time round. It would be different if everyone could be relied upon to give a prompt response buit people have busy lives to lead. I also did not think that the accommodation booked was extortionate in any event. A night away would cost at least 100 and I am looking at 112 for the two nights.

    I think the main point of my most is not that people are declining because of the price - only H2B's sister and partner have mentioned the price so far - its the fact that I cannot even rely on close family members to attend when they have repeatedly said how they are looking forward to it. And even then they can't tell me to my face, it has to reach me on the grapevine through two other people - poor show from family I think!

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    Hi Gayle.
    Really sorry to hear that you're having so much hassle from people, especially family.
    I was in the exact same boat when arranging my hen weekend, people who said yes dropped out one by one. Making the cost increase for everyone else

    People can be nightmares in getting in touch (again from past experience). Maybe email everyone again, from you, rather than your chief bridesmaid? They might be better at replying directly to you?

    I know it's always your close friends / family you want to go away with you to celebrate, but maybe letting friends friends (who you know and get on well with) come? My sister brought her friend and my SIL her's, to my weekend (although I do know SIL's friend very well).

    I hope then next post you make has some good news and everything starts falling in2 place for you! (And people say its planning the wedding that's stressful!! More like the hen weekend!!)

    x

  8. #8
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    I had thought about that Paula - did you then invite those people to your wedding and if so was it a daytime invite or an evening invite? There's a couple of girls in work who I intended to invite to the evening reception. Do you think it's ok to invite them on the hen but only to the evening reception? Tight on numbers during the day! Determined to sort this out and keep my hen weekend venue!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gayle View Post
    I had thought about that Paula - did you then invite those people to your wedding and if so was it a daytime invite or an evening invite? There's a couple of girls in work who I intended to invite to the evening reception. Do you think it's ok to invite them on the hen but only to the evening reception? Tight on numbers during the day! Determined to sort this out and keep my hen weekend venue!
    We kept numbers small during the day, and they were only invited at night. They were honestly delighted at that, given that we weren't that close, but I wouldn't not have had them there. I'd say go for it.........good luck!! x

  10. #10
    Super Senior Member loobieb2b's Avatar
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    Does my head in! when people say they will go to things only when the time comes turn round and say they can't come! If they have plenty of notice which they did you would think they would of kept money by for the hen weekend, which is the sensible thing to do! Grrr that is sooo annoying no wonder you are sooo angry so sorry for to hear you are going through this. I have handed my hen weekend over to my bridesmaid she is dealing with it all and i know it will get done she is good at sorting things thank goodness.

  11. #11
    Super Senior Member kimbo's Avatar
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    I feel your pain Gayle! I'd be raging! People can be soooo inconsiderate. I have booked a similar thing, and really hope no one bails out. What would really annoy me is the crew having their 'shopping day'. WHAT?????

  12. #12
    Super Senior Member MissL2MrsH's Avatar
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    Gayle, you're not alone in this. I had similar problems, if it makes you feel any better in the end we had a fabulous time. I decided that the organisation of the hen weekend was more stressful than the wedding planning! It's the only time I've cried throughout it all so far!
    I hope you get it sorted, like someone said, it may be worth you chasing people up? Also, invite some other friends if you need the numbers. I'm sure you'll have a brilliant weekend when its all sorted!

  13. #13
    Senior Member LesleyMerritt's Avatar
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    Gayle, count me in That lodge looks fantastic and is a steal at 112 for two nights. I am going to a hen do in May and paying 189 to stay two nights at the Carlton Hotel across from The Scotsman!

  14. #14
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LesleyMerritt View Post
    Gayle, count me in That lodge looks fantastic and is a steal at 112 for two nights. I am going to a hen do in May and paying 189 to stay two nights at the Carlton Hotel across from The Scotsman!
    lol I might soon be opening it up to the SWD forum girls if I can't fill it! I'm sure we'd all have a lot of fun!

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    I feel your pain! I ended-up cancelling my hen-do a few weeks ago because i'd had enough of it all!

    Me & my chief bridesmaid took ages to organise my hen do; trying to find something that was cheap & would suit everyone. We eventually decided on dinner & then a show at the King's Theatre in Glasgow, followed by a typical night out & an overnight stay if anyone wanted (as Glasgow is still close enough for people to travel home afterwards if they want).

    However, I heard every excuse under the sun from people. A few said that they couldn't afford it (like you, we've been planning our wedding for months & I'd always said the hen do would be in November) so it's not like it was unexpected & the tickets were only 30! & considering the amount of money i'm paying for these people & their partners to come to the wedding it made me quite annoyed. I then even had a 'i'm not going because she's going' situation - talk about being back in the playground! & these were the ones that even bothered to reply. Don't get me wrong, there were some people with genuine reasons, but others just made me annoyed

    So I cancelled - will maybe have a little dinner & night out in my local town the weekend before the wedding, but at the moment it's a relief because i'd had enough of it. Disappointed though because all these people were originally so up for it!

    Sorry for hijacking this thread! Just thought i'd let you know that I know how you feel, & it is so disappointing.

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    I am so sorry Gayle - and everyone else who's had problems - and have to say this is one reason why I won't be having a hen do. It seems that organising weddings - and other family events - really brings out the worst in people. I have such a diverse range of friends and family who live all over the UK so a hen do really isn't logistically possible, and we come from such a range of incomes & backgrounds that there would those who could and those who couldn't afford, those with kids, those without......... so I won't have one. Like famer's wife to be, perhaps something local the week before but even then I don't know......

    Just hope you get it sorted out - did you take out insurance? could you cancel if need be? Good luck xx

  17. #17
    Senior Member MrsAtoB's Avatar
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    Im sorry to hear youve had so many problems, the hen should be special for you and hassle free!

    This is another reason im thinking about not having a hen, some people just dont realise the work that goes into organising one and feel they can just back when they have agreed to go.

    Hopefully you wont need to cancel yours!

  18. #18
    Super Senior Platinum Member missm2mrsf's Avatar
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    i had to pull out a friends hen weekend due to having no money and was so gutted! i didnt addect cost to anyone else though. but means i cant really moan about people cancelling, though it is usually my pet hate.

    I have now collected all money formy hen weekend but was easy as was only 7 of us going and they agreed i booked. hen night where theres 40 im not looking forward to this part but if they dont come only lose deposit.

    really hope you get it sorted as it looks amazing! x

  19. #19
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the replies girls!

    Farmer's Wifey to Be - that's really crap that you had to cancel your night I hope you manage to do something with your close friends before the wedding. Maybe we should have a SWD Form hen night for you!

    Louisa67 - I do have insurance but it's not going to cover this sort of situation. I'm trying to fill places so keeping my fingers crossed it can still go ahead!

    The latest update is that H2B's mum has said that she is going to speak to H2B's sister and her partner and she might try and help them out with money so they can still go. Keeping my fingers crossed there!

    The more difficult situation is in relation to my two aunts and my cousin. My cousin sent me a text on Thursday night to ask if she could give me a call later. I text her back saying I was busy and that I had already heard about the issues with the hen weekend and wasn't really in the mood for discussing them. The response I got was "fair enough!" I spoke to my mum last night and she said she had sent my cousin a message on facebook and that she had responded with rude comments about my mum (a few of you may recall that I posted not long ago about my mum having some mental health issues) and she made a statement that heaven forbid anybody should go shopping and enjoy themselves. It was also cast up that neither my mum or I had gone to Marbella for my cousin's hen weekend in July 2008. That was because mum wasn't well of financially and I was only on a trainee wage at the time and had hardly any days left of annual leave to take. I did attend her home hen night but that has been ignored. I really expect comments like this from a three year old not someone who is 29.

    It's really getting me down this whole hen weekend fiasco Woke up at 4.30am yesterday and couldn't get back to sleep thinking about it.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    Another two bite the dust

  21. #21
    Super Senior Member loobieb2b's Avatar
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    Awww Gayle you are having no luck a tall! Is that another two pulled out? I was showing my bridesmaid the lodge you have booked and telling her how much and said that is shocking people pulling out and its not even that expensive.
    Anyway that is sooo childish with your cousin bringing something up that happened years ago, doesn't she not realise that you weren't in the postion to go to marbella for hen night and that your mum didn't have that kind of money. So pathetic! and defo like a 3 year old she is acting like.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by loobieb2b View Post
    Awww Gayle you are having no luck a tall! Is that another two pulled out? I was showing my bridesmaid the lodge you have booked and telling her how much and said that is shocking people pulling out and its not even that expensive.
    Anyway that is sooo childish with your cousin bringing something up that happened years ago, doesn't she not realise that you weren't in the postion to go to marbella for hen night and that your mum didn't have that kind of money. So pathetic! and defo like a 3 year old she is acting like.
    Yes, that's another two pulled out. I'm so completely and utterly sick of this now. If I could cancel and get my money back I would and I wouldn't bother with a hen weekend.

  23. #23
    Super Senior Member kimbo's Avatar
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    Aw Gayle thats rubbish! Hopefully your aunts/cousins will come around.

  24. #24
    Super Senior Member loobieb2b's Avatar
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    That is out of order Gayle can't believe people acting this way!

  25. #25
    Platinum Member Gayle's Avatar
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    I've emailed the Lodge to ask about their cancellation policy. I'll decide what to do once they've told me how much money I'll lose from my deposit.

    Meanwhile, I'm being the bigger person and holding out olive branches left, right and centre in an effort to resolve the conflict and issues which are on the verge of blowing apart my family

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